Everyone is happy over New York allowing gay marriage, but all of you had better repent. I just talked to Rodney the Republican Rabbi, and he said that the ghost of gay marriage past, the ghost of gay marriage present, and the ghost of gay marriage future are all going to find your children and turn every first born gay, and there is only person who can save your soul now—Ann “The Liberal Exorcist” Coulter! And believe me when I say this, I’m more than positive that the Ann Coulter’s of the world are fit to be tied over this bold, fresh initiative passed by the state of New York in honor of same-sex marriages. To them, this is just one more example of homosexual indoctrination, a Godless America, and a Godless, liberal agenda at work. And rest assured, the conservative brand is not happy about this societal bravery—balled up in a New York Yankee fist—punching straight through another guarded, glass ceiling designed specifically to contain and preserve the societal, status quo, which is a very effective strategy until someone challenges it, and you can bet your debt ceiling dollar that such a challenge will probably come from the progressive, liberal ideology.
I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but I am forced to toot it from the standpoint of a manuscript allusion and not from my or for my etymological ego. In my book The Fear of Being Challenged, the typical, religious, conservative, status quo response to a challenge is what I focused on quite a bit, and based on my lifetime of experiences in dealing with the conservative ideology, I would have to categorize the fear of being challenged as the number one fear of the conservative brand, with the successful triumph of that fear in the face of “The sky is falling rhetoric” being a close second, because without the cognitively plain, easily frightened, and easily led thresholds exclusively designed to support the fear of being challenged, the effectiveness of fear mongering favorable results is nullified, and the great state of New York has just nullified that fear by fortifying a new possibility, and isn’t that what being a progressive is all about?
So now I will make my official stance on the issue of gay marriage, by affirming that I have always been against gay marriage, and here are the reasons why. Reason number one is because I’m haughtily bitter. I don’t like the fact that there are other women out there who obviously can make their fellow women a lot happier than I could ever make them, and that makes me feel jealously insecure, and it completely guts my ego. Reason number two is because I’m in a blindfolded state of denial. I very much want the happiness that was seen among the gay couples in New York and throughout the country, but I have been abysmally ineffective in attaining it. Instead of looking at the man in the mirror, I’d rather cowardly lay the blame on others like the women of the gay community, by asserting that my ability to be sought after by my desired suitors is being inhibited and destroyed by female, same-sex attraction. The third and final reason is because I need a societal bailout. Think about it. It would be all too easy for me to go out and crusade against gay happiness, because that is precisely what I would be campaigning in opposition to. It would be all too easy for me to go out and join a local, religious organization, not because I want to be more spiritual, but because I want a big, fat pacifier of support for my agenda, as we would all be united only by what we fear. It would be all too easy to quit the progressive ideology and join the conservative brand where my scapegoated, sob story of how the female, gay agenda has robbed me of the American, Christian dream would go over like a feathery balloon stuffed with Bush tax cuts for the richest 1%. If I joined happiness killers who unfalteringly oppose the notion of gay marriage and other issues like abortion; people like: Rep. Michele Bachmann, Sen. Jim DeMint, former President Bush, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, presidential hopeful Herman Cain, or presidential hopeful Rick Santorum in some Purtanized quest for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, I could possibly pander my way into happiness, relevance, and importance, but at what price?
Yes, it would be absolutely wonderful for Bryian R. if I could find a way to use religion or the big, stay-out-of-our-lives, federal government to try and take away someone else’s happiness in hopes of selfishly and heartlessly garnering that much more for my self-served interests. If I could force every woman in the world too look more at me and less at others, whether it’s other men or other women, my life would be tooty fruity, but what about everyone else? Doesn’t everyone deserve the right to make a choice, even if that choice is not Bryian R., or the choice that we want them to make, and it is that conundrum that forced me to face the man in the mirror, who grew up as homophobic as any other testosterone junkie with all of his shortcomings and fears? Do I, Bryian R. or anyone else for that matter, have the right to personally or legally define what is or what should be happiness for two consenting adults and the answer to that question is absolutely not! I’m no more responsible for the power of giving someone their happiness than I should be for the power of taking it away or denying anyone of it based on some philosophical doctrine that I also cannot force anyone to believe in or live by. And as far as these ‘keep-the-federal-government-out-of-our-lives’ conservatives are concerned, I find it ironically hypocritical, but more hypocritical than ironic that these politically unprincipled, GOP vultures like Michele Bachmann would crusade against the overreaching federal government on one hand, while lobbying for the creation of and threatening to install a federally enforced, constitutional amendment that would trump the legalization of gay marriage in all states, despite what the state of New York has just accomplished.
This is why you won’t see me joining any conservative brand or any philosophical, wolfish dictatorship masquerading in religious sheep’s clothing! If I have to spend the rest of my hobbled life as irrelevant as a used condom lying on a rural, gravel road, that’s exactly what I will do before you’ll ever see me supporting a constitutional amendment that pretends to protect the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, but in actuality only attacks the sanctity and the individuality of free-willed happiness. I’d rather define the parameters of my fear of being challenged, instead of non-administratively allowing the parameters of my fear of being challenged to define me, and that’s a piece of advice that the conservative ideology seems to have no intention whatsoever of adhering to! As a progressive first and a Realacrat/Democrat second, why not live in spite of fear, as opposed to living in it?
So with that, I am officially onboard with the great state of New York, in a New York state of mind, through the noble, patriotic quest to increase true democracy by giving the people their right to choose, and there is nothing that’s any more democratic than that, and I implore every progressive/liberal/Democrat and every person who is either gay or supports equality for all people—gay people for this specific time frame, to listen to these words of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, because the message is self-evident. Social justice does not grow on conservative, Republican trees, and the sooner you realize this, the better off you will be! It’s one thing to go out and celebrate good times with Kool and the Gang after New York was able to pass its monumental legislation, but it’s something entirely different and much more consciously requiring to recognize, fully appreciate, and stand politically and vigilantly behind the political genealogy and the political methodology that is needed for such changes to be made possible.
In other words, if Michele Bachmann or New Jersey Governor Chris Christy was your governor, there would be no celebration. So, does that tell you something, because it tells me all that I need to know? Speaking as the official, progressive hick from rural Arkansas in a town with one main street, even I have enough sense to recognize that progressive, voter apathy is the number one dream killer of true democracy. Hey progressives! If you don’t exercise your right to votively make a choice with your ballot, you leave the door resourcefully wide open for your opposition to exercise their right to happily make that choice for you or against you, and it’s that simple! If you, like me, are enjoying this New York state of mind, vote to keep it that way!
So in an ode to the 2012 presidential elections and every other election taking place that year from state to local, I ask you this question. I know there are many who haven’t gotten all that they wanted from President Obama and the Democrats, and I’m one of them, but please answer this for me. What do you honestly expect to receive from the Republican alternative? Remember, the reciprocal of not getting as much as you’d wanted is having what you do have taken away, and if you don’t believe me, just ask the people of Wisconsin. And oh by the way, what’s in your political future Governor Cuomo? If your political ambitions have hit a brick wall, I’ve got a couple of executive ideas I’d like to run by you, if you know what I mean.
Bryian K. Revoner
Author of the book The Fear of Being Challenged: Democratically Independent; I Am Realacrat