Top Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is UnAmerican

Author: August 18, 2011 10:24 am

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  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.


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3 Comments

  • Second Amendment Democrat

    We tend to think of this issue/non-issue as a mere diversion, a way to keep fundies from focusing on the true issues – jobs, the economy, the unneeded, undesired and costly wars on multiple fronts. But it is NOT a mere diversion, it is a way for the GOP to insure that fundies, never the sharpest tools in the shed, will vote against their own economic self-interest in the assumption that Republicans are actually on their side and ‘true believers’ (Perry may actually be one, though I suspect it’s more a power scam, like most fundie ‘preachers,’ preaching hate, discrimination and altogether totally un-Christ like activity.

    “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, render unto God that which is God’s.” Caesar does NOT care who you fuck, neither does God.

    But it is obviously more important that my gay neighbor not be happy, that will make me happy – who needs a job, anyway? The Rapture is coming to take me away, ha ha…

  • Funny, but even funnier is the fact that, at least as of this moment, it’s followed by a Bachmann for President ad that wants me to “join [their] team.” Hahaha! No thanks…

    • What’s even better is if you click on that Bachman ad, the Bachman campaign has to pay a fee to this website. So, I say, click away… Consider it a little bit of karma for Bachman.

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