Stop Pretending You’re Not A Conservative! You Wrecked The Country, Now Own Up To It!

I hate conservatives who claim to be “Independent” or “Libertarian” but only vote for conservatives or support only conservative ideals. I got news for these people: You’re a conservative. And you wrecked the country. Suck it up and admit it.

Last year, I had friended an acquaintance from college, we’ll call him Dick Concrete (An inside joke that is exactly 95% less dirty then you think it is. Shame on you!). Dick just couldn’t stand all of my liberal nonsense and kept arguing with me but also denied he was a conservative. He always insisted that he was sick of the GOP as well but for some reason never disagreed with anything they said. He defriended me after the Fat Smug Bastard tore him a new one for his rank dishonesty. The FSB demanded  to know how it is that he, Dick, could take the time to argue against all these liberal policies but never agree with one or denounce a single conservative position. The FSB pointed out, correctly I believe, that dick was simply a conservative who was unwilling to be named as such. And so are all of these so-called “Independents” and “Libertarians” that hate everything liberal. You’re a conservative.

Yes, you!

You voted for Bush in 2000 and 2004? You supported his tax cuts? You cursed out the Dixie Chicks and Michael Moore when they spoke out against the Iraq war? Do you argue with liberals until you’re angry but only nod your head when someone quotes Rush Limbaugh? Do you think MSNBC is too slanted but don’t understand why people complain about Fox?

Then you are a conservative. You’re not an “Independent” or a “Libertarian” at all, you’re a conservative who is ashamed to admit it. And you should be.

After all, we did it your way for 6 years. Weren’t those heady times for you? Those dumbass liberals knew their place and Democrats just folded like a cheap suit and went along with everything your party wanted. You were on top of the world!

You were gonna show those goddamn Muslims in the middle East who was boss! You were gonna cut taxes and all the good (White) people were gonna be rich because of it! Who cared if some other (Black) people couldn’t collect welfare? Let’em get a job like a real (White) American!

You were a conservative and you were proud to be counted among their number.

But then it all went so wrong. The wars dragged on and American soldiers kept dying or coming home maimed and crippled. Those tax cuts that were supposed to make you rich didn’t actually do much for you at all and the economy collapsed. The government exploded in size and your civil rights were trampled. We were deeper in debt than ever before and the absolute worst part was that you were in charge! You want to blame Clinton and you try really hard but it sounds forced, even to you. You want to blame the Democrats but there’s just too much video of Bush advocating the policies that we all know screwed the country. You were put into an impossible position. So you lied.

You never supported those wars!

You never asked for those ruinous tax cuts!

You aren’t even a conservative! You’re an “Independent” or maybe a “Libertarian!”

Or maybe you’re a real conservative and belong to the Tea Party! That way you can follow all the same policies as before and just pretend Bush 43 was some kind of freak occurrence.

No one’s buying that malarkey except for the “liberal” media and all the “former” conservatives that just can’t bring themselves to face what they really did to the country. But that’s OK. Deep down inside, you know what you did and we know this by the shrillness of your denials and anger.

There’s nothing sadder than self-loathing. You really should see a shrink.

Of course they do! They just don't want to admit it out loud...