Crazy migraine lady, Michele Bachmann, befuddled the knowing class when she promised that as president she could bring gas prices down to $2 a gallon. If she keeps making miserably uniformed statements like that she will be lucky if she’s pumping gas. Unless, of course, Michele Bachmann is running for president of OPEC, the price Americans pay at the pump is directly tied to the crude oil market: an intricate global system largely beyond the reach of Washington.

But the daffy Republican presidential candidate delved even further into the fact-free fantasy realm of tea party fiction at Thursday night’s Republican presidential debate when she proposed the elimination of all taxes, but then added that the government did need some money to run.

“You earned every dollar, you should get to keep every dollar that you earned,”said Bachmann. “That’s your money, that’s not the government’s money.

While it’s painfully obvious that the Congresswoman is shamelessly playing to the tea party wing (the only wing) of the Republican party in order to draw attention away from Romney and Perry, in doing so she overlooked several very basic elements of democratic functionality, as well as belied her very own actions. But let’s start with the latter of the two since it involves hypocrisy–a Republican favorite past-time.

Much like her idiot sister from another mother in Alaska, Bachmann is a leading recipient of dirty taxpayer money. A little while ago, the Washington Post revealed that Bachmann took out $417,000 federally-subsidized loan from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to help purchase a luxury house even as she was shrieking for the Mortgage giants to be dismantled. But that certainly didn’t stop the female overlord of Kookistan from taking out the maximum possible loan from those programs to finance her family’s move to a lavish 5,200-square-foot home on a golf course. After all, one simply cannot read the bible without encountering all the passages about Jesus being an avid golfer.

Okay, so we’ve covered the glaring contradictions. Now it’s time to take a very basic look at the constitution and how America has been functioning over the past 235 years.

The powers of taxation are expressed quite clearly in the 16th Amendment of  the US Constitution. As far as the government only needing some money to run, we are not Somalia even Bachmann wants us to be. We are an advanced first-world nation of more than 200 million people, with complex social, financial and governmental institutions. We can most certainly argue on the size and scope of government what areas of society deserve more attention over others. But to flatly say that government can exist on a few extra dollars is lunacy. When Bachmann calls for the elimination of taxes, she’s referring to the capital gains tax while not touching the $600 billion in tax money spent on the military. I guess Donald Trump is going to foot the bill for the next useless piece of military apparatus. Michele also wouldn’t want to touch any of the billions of tax dollars that were used to bail out the banks on wall street.

In short, I have a much better solution: cut all Congressional and Senate salaries in half and make them pay for all medical services just like we do. In the mean time, I think it’s time for another migraine pill.

Edited by Wendy Gittleson

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