It was becoming so easy to ignore Herman Cain. I mean really, who was all that interested in the former head of a really crappy pizza joint who was polling in the single digits in the Republican Primary? Then, Mr. Goofy Pants goes off and wins the Florida Straw Poll and I must pull my hand away from my face palm and pay closer attention to what this nut is saying. Didn’t I already have my hands full with Perry and Bachmann? Ah, well.
So, last Thursday when I was watching the GOP debate in Florida (if only for the laugh lines), I heard Herman Cain shouting in German about some sort of Nein! Nein! Nein! plan. I swear, I would have paid more attention if it had come from someone other than the Prime Minister of highway oasis pizza pies, but I digress.
What I really can’t figure out is why was Cain speaking in a foreign language (the native tongue of Hitler, no less) at an all-American, blue blooded, old white man (and do I ever mean WHITE) audience? What in the world was he thinking? And why in the hell were they cheering him for it? These things confuse me.
Now upon reflection, I have come up with a theory. Nein being the German word for “NO,” I can only assume that Cain was simply falling in line with his party’s every response to anything the current administration offers, even when it was their idea in the first place (see Health Care Reform, Infrastucture spending, the Debt Ceiling, oh, I could go on and on…). So, I get that. And I can only guess that Cain shouted it in German for the powerful effect it had over the audience of fascists in the primary hall who so fondly recall the toothbrush mustache.
Wait…hold on…you mean the Nein! Nein! Nein! plan is actually the 9-9-9 plan and it refers to tax rates? Oh come on, I’m not buying it. Everyone knows that Herman Cain can’t count past three. Remember his pledge to pass no bill with a length of greater than three pages?
“Yeah, because nothing should be longer than a pizza menu”–Matt Yeazel
If any number greater than three is too much for the man who offers you “A Pizza You Can’t Refuse,”–but clearly people do, in droves–how am I supposed to believe he can make make it past eight?
Hold on again…you are really insisting that this is a 9-9-9 tax plan and I’m off about the Deutschland aspects? Well, what’s in this plan anyway?
Sheesh, now that I have been knocked off stride by the fact that Herman Cain has almost made it out of single digits with his figures, it would appear that the 9-9-9 plan would establish an across the board business, individual, and sales tax rate of 9%. Which of course means corporations and rich folk get a massive tax cut while the poor get a significant tax increase.
However, now I believe that I am metaphorically–if not factually–correct about Cain’s plan. Am I really to believe that this fascistic 9-9-9 plan is all that different from my previously assumed Nein! Nein! Nein! plan which I bought into as a nod to the Master Race?
Tomato, To-mah-to.
Its only proof that on matters of policy and governance – Herman Cain is either a) a complete cynic (I just thought he was auditioning for Fox News or something) or b) a total dumb ass when it comes to actually governing a complex 300 Million person nation.
Not reading a bill longer than 3 pages? He’s probably signed contracts longer than 10 pages with wholesalers for cheap tomato paste and 3rd grade mozzarella. Does he think Americans are that stupid? (Maybe the tea party, but not all Americans are that dumb). Also, his 9-9-9 plan would send the deficits skyrocketing and assume the government would either a wholly owned arm of corporations (if its not already) and assure most of our bridges would collapse by 2020.
But honestly, Herman Cain is mostly around for entertainment – somebody’s gotta take the Donald Trump trump role as the ignorant, bigoted loudmouth millionaire with no clue about politics. No way in hell the party of corporate raiders and Dixiecrat left overs is going to let a Black guy win the nomination.
A “legitimate” tax plan? Seriously? To add to the tax rolls a whole lotta people WHO HAVE NO MONEY, and use that NON-REVENUE to replace revenue from corporations whose tax you would cut by 2/3 or even more? Really?
“Nein, Nein, Nein” makes way more sense.
I’m originally from Leipzig, Germany and frankly, I get sick of peoples’ tendency—whether intentional or not—to automatically associate Germany and/or its language with Nazism/Hitler. The scars of the Holocaust remain and still will for generations, but Germany has made great strides in moving away from those dark, nightmarish days of Nazi rule.
Not trying to make a big deal of it, just making a brief point.
Clearly from a man who does not understand satire or history. The master race was what Hitler’s German referred to itself as. It doesn’t have anything to do with Cain’s pigment. Get you some learnin.’