Well, the White House can heap a giant sigh of relief (or at least the bath tub) following the news that Chris Christie stood by what he has been perpetually saying for the past year now in that he is not interested in seeking the Republican nomination for the presidency.
“For months, I have been adamant about the fact that I would not run for president,” Christie said. “My language was clear and direct. No many how many times I was asked the question for me the answer was never anything but no.”
So can we finally now go back to focusing on his destruction of New Jersey’s educational system as Governor?
The tough and brash talking gargantuan governor of the Garden State may have upset comedians (myself included) with his decision to not run, but you can bet he just made Mitt Romney happier than Charlie Sheen in a 24 hour CVS with his decision to sit this one out. Lord knows Christie had the financial backing, being that “kind of a guy” to billionaire industrialist and major tea party Republican donor David Koch. And lord certainly knows that Chris Christie had the backing of every major Republican thoroughly unimpressed and upset with the current crop of, shall we say, less-than-stellar Republican candidates. So it looks like it’s Mittens or bust for the Republicans.
Chris Christie a very shrewd politician. He knows that the lights of a presidential campaign shine brighter than a CFL light bulb that Michele Bachmann calls “socialist, and what’s more unflattering than watching 300 pounds of pure bluster sweat on the national stage?Christie understands that the Republican party is starving for a viable electable opponent in the general, but he also understands that while he may be popular right now (sorta like how Rick Perry was once popular) he may suddenly sink like an unsanctioned helicopter at a baseball game once his every move and utterance was put on national display. Most importantly, Christie realizes that if he were to fail on the presidential campaign trail, he would return to the governorship wounded and vulnerable; consequently, assuring a Corey Booker democratic victory in 2013 should the Newark mayor decide to run for governor and should Christie decide to run for re-election (he will).
For Christie, 2016 is the year he’s been looking at all along. Should President Obama overcome some of the obstacles he’s having now and win re-election, Christie knows that the Democrats do not have anyone capable of replicating his star power waiting in the trenches. After all, you don’t just find a Barack Obama sitting around the halls of Congress on any given day and Christie knows that to be true. Until then, the Republican party will just have to resume its American Idol style casting and weed through all the b-roll candidates in order to quell their desperation for a viable challenger to Barack Obama. In the mean time, it’s safe to assume we can all stop the Chris Christie speculatron and get back to the latest flash-in-the-pan “trending” news of the moment.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you photos of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong