With the exception of Jon Huntsman and some things Ron Paul has said, the Republican candidates seeking the highest office in the land have proven to be a group of sociopathic wackos unfit to rule as class president. Each and every one of them seem to out crazy one another every week, which makes it extremely difficult to choose the craziest without leaving anybody out. A Michelle Bachman presidency would certainly put the entire world in the intensive care unit, but a Rick Perry presidency wouldn’t be that much different. Here’s why.
1.Rick Perry is a radical fundamentalist Christian who thinks leading a collective prayer of monolithic Christian hate groups is the most effective government solution for combating record wildfires and scorching heat in his state of Texas.
2. As governor of Texas, Rich Perry presided over a state with the highest number of minimum-wage jobs that don’t help working-class folks escape the cycle of poverty.
3. As governor of Texas, Rick Perry presides over a the state that leads the nation in the number of uninsured residents, has the third-lowest percentage of people covered by their employers and spends less per capita than all but one other state on Medicaid, the joint state-federal insurance program for the disabled and poor children.
4. Rick Perry has repeatedly said that he’s “a firm believer in intelligent design as a matter of faith and intellect, and believes it should be presented in schools alongside the theories of evolution.”
5. When it came to devastating BP oil spill, Rick Perry’s thoughtful and secular solution was to say “From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.” I wonder if Rick Perry is one of those things.
6. For a guy vying for the top federal government job in the land, Rick Perry believes in seccession, once ever-so eloquently saying “There’s a lot of different scenarios. We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.” Well, as long as they take Texas with them.
7. As governor of Texas, Rick Perry proudly touts his Christian penchant for forgiveness and fondness for life by holding the record of delivering the most executions and, worse yet, politicized the forensic science commission to cover up for executing a potentially innocent man. Let’s hope Republicans in the early voting primary states execute his presidential campaign.
8. As governor of Texas, Rick Perry was way more concerned with flagrantly violating church and state issues as well as the Supreme Court’s Roe V. Wade decision by forcing sonograms on every abortion seeking woman. Apparently this was more important to an elected official than say funding public schools and employing teachers.
9. Rick Perry is a semi-retarded, gun-slinging, virulently anti-intellectual, anti-middle class, dangerous religious zealot who believes its “god’s will” for him to run for president. If any of those descriptions don’t sound eerily similar to a certain other former Texas governor, than you’re either a member of the top 1% or a Fox News host.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
10. Finally, a recent poll concluded that Americans associate Rick Perry with “Texas,” “Idiot”, and “No.” Perhaps the only honest and factual things ever to be associated with Rick Perry.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you photos of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.
Anonymous, that is nothing short of a brilliant idea. Too bad Rick Perry views brilliant ideas as “foreign” and “strange”.
Rick Perry will ultimately be the GOP’s nominee because he has all the qualifications for their party:
1. He’s as stupid as a glass of water, which makes him just like Dubya and ‘loveable’ because he’s just like ‘common folk’.
2. He loves Jesus (supposedly) more than his mother.
3. He has a track record of being business ‘friendly’, which is GOP-code for not taxing them and ignoring or removing all regulation for those businesses.
4. He has the right accent for the mentally-challenged.
5. His fundie background plays well in the South, for those voters who will NOT vote for Mittens.
6. Lastly, the Hispanic boy he was caught in bed with by his wife (you know, the story in that Austin paper that was mysteriously disappeared), and thus makes him a closet case… and a Republican.
But, he is far far far too extreme and stupid for the rest of the country. Plus, the Occupiers will be voting. They won’t be voting for a man who doesn’t live in the real world.
I know this suggestion will never actually go anywhere.
1. Rick Perry should read “Black Like Me” – the story of a white man who disguised himself as a black man. Then wrote about how differently he was treated.
2. Rick Perry should voluntarily limit himself to absolute subsistence living for a month. Live in a hotel room in a desperate part of town. Disguise himself as a black man, or a woman or any other marginalized human being.
3. Live that existence and not cheat. Live it out for a month. Then see how it feels.
4. He should repeat again in another town. In a different disguise.
5. Repeat again until he has lived that way for a year in 12 different locations.
6. While living this way he must meet and make friends with people of the same socio-economic group. Spend time with them. Immerse himself in their reality.
Then he should write about the Bible and Jesus and faith. And talk about what it is like to be invisible, unimportant, without resources. Because those are the people Jesus hung out with.
At that point I would love to hear what he has to say about his fellow man. Until then, talk to the hand. The ears aren’t listening.