To Ginger White:
No, stop, no more! You did your job, you got rid of Herman Cain, he’s out of the race, has suspended his campaign, it was mostly due to you – hell, I’ll give you nearly full credit – and yes, we’re grateful . . . but no, please, we don’t want any details about the cracks in the ceiling when you were having sex and how you were thinking about pizza or something.
Please. Just stop.
We loved the theoretical thought of your affair with Herman Cain, and we really enjoyed watching this pompous, arrogant, know-nothing squirm under the spotlight of public opinion after you entered the scene, but we really only liked it in theory. I, personally, don’t recall asking you for gory details. I don’t care if he kept his socks on, I don’t want to know what brand of boxers he wore, and I really, really don’t want to know your thoughts during sex. These are bad mental images of your private life that we really don’t need to be privy to. And it’s also a big “ewwww.”
We know you took money from this guy – but please don’t say any more, or you’ll end up looking like a prostitute. It doesn’t make him look any better, but it makes you look a whole lot worse. And please stop apologizing to his wife and family: Self-serving at best and, at worst, hypocrisy at its finest. You slept with this woman’s husband, and he with you, and you’re not the home-wrecker, he is, I get it; let’s leave it at that.
Look, I believe you, okay? I think all of us with a functioning brain believe you. I don’t think you’re lying about this 13-year affair and I really, really wanted to like you. Please don’t let the public scrutiny begin to shine on you instead of him, don’t let his role in this get swept under the rug by the public’s distaste for your need to provide TMI (Too Much Information). Please don’t make me dread seeing your face on another talk show. I read that whole ”thoughts while having sex” bit, particularly the part about you thinking about your kids during sex with this cretin, and I cringed. Really. And, admittedly, liked you a little less.
You did the country a service; you stepped up to the plate and busted out a lying, conniving, ignorant, ill-prepared, narcissistic GOP presidential candidate and you drove him out of the presidential race. Kudos.
Now, take my advice: Don’t blow it. Quit while you’re ahead.