I suppose if you charge $60,000 per speech, collect $1.8 million from Fannie and Freddie, and have a Bling account of $500K at Tiffany’s, that you might just be a little out of touch with the needs of the poor. However, Newt Gingrich has taken the rich asshole stereotype to new depths. Newtie thinks that child labor laws are “stupid,” that poor kids don’t understand the concept of earning cash unless it’s by illegal means, and that disadvantaged children should be put to work cleaning shitters in their local schools. Doctor Seuss has to be doing a spinning face palm in what used to be his place of rest. Reality has outdone the fertile imagination of the man who created green eggs and ham.

I always thought the Grinch was a spindly, green, vaguely simian-ish creature who was out to steal Christmas from the children of Whoville. Little did I know that this Christmas, I would learn that the Grinch is a pear shaped white man, with a stupid name, a trophy wife, a “revolving fund,” traveling along on the his own self-made gas that not only transports him from place to place, but keeps his ego high and mighty off the fumes.

The difference is, this (Ging)Grinch doesn’t so much want to take something away from children (well, other than their safety, focus on their education, and any ill-gotten booty he believes they are trafficking in). No, he wants to give them something.

So kids, keep out a close eye on that stocking this holiday season. Your scrub brush and plunger are on the way.

Here’s the video:

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Written by: David E. Phillips on December 9, 2011.on December 10, 2011.