If there is one fundamentally unchanging constant in this country these days, it’s that Facebook can never keep its look for one second. That and the religious right has absolutely no sense of humor.
There’s a seemingly unstoppable and unavoidable force sweeping the NFL that every single sports journalist and would-be sports journalist has been sucked in by and cannot do a telecast for one minute without mentioning it. I’m referring of course to Curling. But seriously, it’s actually Tebowmania and it is unbearable.
The football world was turned upside down a couple of months ago when apparently Republican SuperJesus decided to deliver a would-be aborted three-month fetus on the doorstep of the Denver Broncos organization in the human form of Tim Tebow and, despite lacking basic throwing mechanics, this golden boy would somehow manage to come back in the fourth quarter and carry his Broncos team to victory on the golden wings that Republican SuperJesus gave him. And, in complete and utter inappropriate fashion, perpetually attribute his miraculous victory to Republican Superjesus when in reality he should be thanking his Defense. Apparently god can’t be bothered with plight, famine, poverty, and environmental calamities because he must ensure that Offensive Tackles pave the way for Tim Tebow to get into the end zone. If there is a god, he’s now an atheist.
Tim Tebow, who apparently craps cinnamon buns and farts new car scent, is your quintessential fundamentalist Christian: he’s ani-choice, anti-gay, anti-touch-your-self-in-fun-places; but he’s just so gosh darn dreamy and makes Wally Cleaver look like an stoner punk rock musician so we should probably give him a free pass and focus our secular rage at Ralph Reed and Rick Santorum. Wrong! In all fairness to Tebow, he has been very “christ-like” at times. For example, he generously donated his $2.5 million signing bonus to a slew of charities and helped build a children’s hospital in the Philipines. But then he has been very “Christian” at other times.
Despite his pious, neo-conformist, callow “awe shucks” Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock innocence, Tim Tebow proudly supports reactionary, far-right religious ideas and touts the socially backwards and sanctimonious mentality of the anti-reason, anti-science fringe groups such as Focus on the Family. In fact, Tebow first took his strong evangelical Christian beliefs to the airwaves in 2010 when he appeared in an Focus on the Family sponsored anti-choice ad that aired during the Superbowl. Naturally, the spot was parodied and deemed strange, and mostly made sports fans uncomfortable during a time where they’re accustomed to seeing funny talking animals and overblown car commercials. He has also refused to sign on to the “It Gets Better” project, which was started by newspaper editor and journalist, Dan Savage and his husband Terry Miller. The project was created as a way to prevent the massive amount of teenage suicides brought on by bullying because they were gay. A plethora of athletes have signed on to the project to stand up to bullying and for the rights of LGBT Americans, especially those who are younger. But the guy who thinks homosexuality is a sin and can be cured, as well as constantly reinforces the massively distorted literalist interpretation of the Bible that any child that doesn’t accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior will burn in hell, did not participate. And don’t these intolerant pantloads usually turn out to be self-loathing homosexuals anyway, who ultimately wind up taking their gay lust to airport mens rooms or highway rest stops?
Perhaps this is why outspoken atheist comedian Bill Maher took to his Twitter account to poke fun at Tebow.
Wow, Jesus just fucked #TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere in hell Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler “Hey, Buffalo’s killing them”
Since the crazed, far-right Christofascists are famed for their senses of humor (See SNL and Pat Robertson), naturally they took this seemingly sarcastic jibe in stride. No, that would take a Christmas miracle of epic proportions.
Eric Boling, the Fox News Business host who previously called the Muppets communists, predictably excoriated Bill Maher over his Tebow comments.
Bill Maher is disgusting vile trash. I can’t even repeat what he just tweeted about Tebow..on Christam Eve. #straighttohellBill
Oddly enough, some fans are calling for a boycott of Bill Maher’s HBO show “Real Time with Bill Maher“. It’s odd because the people who were outraged by Maher’s comments probably don’t even watch his show or subscribe to HBO anyway. So that threat appears to be as feigned as the tears being shed in North Korea over the death of dictator Kim Jong Il.
In sum, Tim Tebow is in the public eye and thus fair game. Most important, his brazenly open religious ardor is ripe for parody and the Tebow faithful better get used to it. Otherwise, they may just have to crawl under a rock and hate the rock for no apparent reason.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.