25 Of The Best Crazy, Stupid, And Scary Quotes Uttered By The Republican Presidential Candidates In 2011

2011 was a banner year in stupidity, craziness, and fright from the Republican Party. With seven candidates vying to be more conservative than each other, the atmosphere was perfect for insanity. Throughout the year, each candidate made comments that proved just how out of touch, ignorant, and dangerous the right wing has truly become. It’s hard to choose which quotes to list but here are just 25, brought to you by Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and Newt Gingrich.

1. “They can get married. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.”
~Michele Bachmann, on whether or not homosexuals can get married.

2. “The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is. A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.”
~Herman Cain, on manliness. Too bad House Republicans declared pizza a vegetable, and therefore declared Cain, a sissy.

3. “Our nation needs to stop doing for people what they can and should do for themselves. Self reliance means, if anyone will not work, neither should he eat.”
~Michele Bachmann, saying the unemployed should starve.

4. “It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in child laws which are truly stupid…These schools should get rid of unionized janitors, have one master janitor, pay local students to take care of the school.”
~Newt Gingrich, advocating for an end to child labor laws so businesses can fire union workers and replace them with cheap labor.

5. “I’m very proud to know the Koch brothers. This may be a breaking news announcement for the media: I am the Koch brothers’ brother from another mother.”
~Herman Cain, creepily admitting that he’s REALLY close to the Koch brothers.

6. “I’m not saying anything one way or the other about the two ballot issues. I am not speaking about the particular ballot issues. Those are up to the people of Ohio. But I certainly support the efforts of the governor to reign in the scale of government. I am not terribly familiar with the two ballot initiatives. But I am certainly supportive of the Republican Party’s efforts here.”
~Mitt Romney, during a campaign stop in Cincinnati, Ohio about the anti-union law ballot initiative, October 25, 2011

Of course the above Romney quote is nothing without the flip flop.

“I fully support Governor Kasich’s—I think it’s called ‘Question 2’ in Ohio. Fully support that. In fact, on my website as far back as April I laid out I supported ‘Question 2.’ … I support it 110%.”
~Mitt Romney, this time fully supporting the Ohio anti-union law during an event in Fairfax, Virginia, October 26, 2011

7. “I don’t speak for the scientific community, of course, but I believe the world’s getting warmer. I can’t prove that, but I believe based on what I read that the world is getting warmer. And number two, I believe that humans contribute to that. I don’t know how much our contribution is to that, because I know that there have been periods of greater heat and warmth in the past but I believe we contribute to that. And so I think it’s important for us to reduce our emissions of pollutants and greenhouse gases that may well be significant contributors to the climate change and the global warming that you’re seeing.”
~Mitt Romney, his view about global warming during a campaign stop in New Hampshire, June 2011

And the crazy flip flop:

?”My view is that we don’t know what’s causing climate change on this planet. And the idea of spending trillions and trillions of dollars to try to reduce CO2 emissions is not the right course for us.”
~Mitt Romney, about his views on global warming during a campaign stop in Pittsburgh, October 28, 2011

8. “Our Founding Fathers never meant for Washington, D.C. to be the fount of all wisdom. As a matter of fact they were very much afraid if that because they’d just had this experience with this far-away government that had centralized thought process and planning and what have you, and then it was actually the reason that we fought the revolution in the 16th century was to get away from that kind of onerous crown if you will.”
~Rick Perry, incorrectly stating that the American Revolution occurred during the 1500s. It actually occurred in the 1770s and ended in 1781.

9. “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. [Sex] is supposed to be within marriage. It’s supposed to be for purposes that are yes, conjugal…but also procreative. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen…This is special and it needs to be seen as special.”
~Rick Santorum, opposing contraception and frighteningly suggesting that he would love to make pre-marital sex illegal.

10. “Don’t try to stop the foreclosure process. Let it run its course and hit the bottom.”
~Mitt Romney, defending banks and kicking people out of their homes.

11. “I was watching C-SPAN and I saw Vice-President Dick Cheney, and he was being asked questions about a whole host of issues…following 9/11, the affairs in various countries in the world, and I listened to him speak and I said whether you agree with him or disagree with him, this is a man of wisdom and judgment, and he could have been President of the United States. That’s the kind of person I’d like to have. A person of wisdom and judgment.”
~Mitt Romney, admitting that he wants a Vice-President like war criminal Dick Cheney.

12. “Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!”
~Herman Cain, blaming the unemployed and the poor for not having jobs or not being rich through no fault of their own. Too bad Cain refused to blame himself for being unable to keep his pants zipped.

13. “I’ve never struggled with that at all. In the state of Texas, if you come into our state and you kill one of our children, you kill a police officer, you’re involved with another crime and you kill one of our citizens, you will face the ultimate justice in the state of Texas, and that is you will be executed.”
~Rick Perry, admitting that he doesn’t lose sleep over possibly executing innocent prisoners.

14. “A state can decide. We don’t need somebody in Washington. I live on the gulf coast, we deal with hurricanes all the time. The local people rebuild the city. Built a sea wall and they survived without FEMA. We should be like 1900, we should be like 1940 1950 1960.
~Ron Paul, calling for the end of FEMA just as Hurricane Irene was slamming the east coast, costing many lives and a lot of damage.

15. “Certainly from the ????standpoint of a Republican, it’s a winner. Republicans will come out ahead in Pennsylvania in every election. The way Democrats win, they have two big cities with huge concentrations of voters — and then overwhelm the rest of the state. All of a sudden, a Republican can win — and would probably routinely win — all but three or four congressional districts in Pennsylvania. It would turn it from a state Democrats rely on, as part of the base, to a state that they’re gonna lose under almost any scenario.”
~Rick Santorum, supporting the Pennsylvania GOP plan to change the way electoral votes are awarded to rig the election for Republicans.

16. “The Republican candidates are talking about ways to transition this program and it is a monstrous lie. It is a ponzi scheme to tell our kids that are 25 or 30 years old today that you’re paying into a program that’s going to there. Anybody that’s for the status quo with Social Security today is involved with a monstrous lie to our kids, and it’s not right.”
~Rick Perry, referring to Social Security as a ponzi scheme despite the fact that it pays people back more money than they pay in.

17. “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. … I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly — men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”
~Michele Bachmann, getting American history wrong. The Founders did not work to end slavery and JQA was not a Founding Father.

18. “I do agree that the science is not settled on this. The idea that we would put American’s economy at jeopardy based on scientific theory that’s not settled yet, to me is just nonsense. Just because you have a group of scientists that stood up and said, this is the fact. Galileo got outvoted for a spell. But the fact is, to put America’s economic future in jeopardy, asking us to cut back in areas that would have monstrous economic impact on this country, is not good economics, and I will suggest to you is not necessarily good science.”
~Rick Perry, during his Galileo moment. Perry compared scientists that support global warming with Galileo, a scientist who was persecuted for rightly declaring that the Earth orbited the sun instead of the other way around.

19. “I will veto any spending bill that contains funding for Planned Parenthood, facilities that perform abortion and all government family planning schemes.”
~Ron Paul, declaring that he will end crucial medical care and medical services for women such as cancer screenings.

20. “Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.”
~Michele Bachmann, confusing legendary actor John Wayne, who wasn’t born in Waterloo, with John Wayne Gacy, a notorious serial killer who actually was born in Waterloo.

21. “It would help the poor people who need jobs. Minimum wage is a mandate. We’re against mandates so why should we have it? It would be very beneficial.”
~Ron Paul, saying that abolishing the minimum wage would help poor people.

22. “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”
~Newt Gingrich, blaming his many affairs on his patriotism.

23. “Before we get started, let’s all say ‘Happy Birthday’ to Elvis Presley today.”
~Michele Bachmann, self proclaimed Elvis fan, wishing Happy Birthday to Presley on the anniversary of his death.
24. “I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time [his grandchildren are] my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.”
~Newt Gingrich, saying that secular atheism and Islam are the same thing.

25. “Corporations are people, my friends.”
~Mitt Romney, declaring that corporations are people in front of a crowd of real people in Iowa.

It sure was a nutty year in conservative land. If the candidates were smart, they’d resolve to stop talking so much. But none of them have brains, so let’s hope next year is just as laughable. Have a Happy New Year!