1: You’re irate over the president taking so many vacation days on the taxpayer’s dime (61 thus far), but you thought George W. Bush earned every minute of his leisure time (196 days at the same point in his presidency).
2: You’re happy with your 40 hour work week, paid vacations and company-provided healthcare, but you’re strongly anti-union, because those commies haven’t done anything for you lately.
3: You strongly support the First Amendment and its guarantee of religious freedom to all, but you don’t think Muslims have a right to build an Islamic Community Center in Manhattan.
4: You believe Ronald Reagan was a devout Christian, even though he hated going to church, but any president who spends twenty years going to the same Trinity United Church in Chicago must be a Muslim.
5: You believe when a Republican governor creates a healthcare package with an individual mandate for everyone in his state, that’s a good idea. But when a Democratic president does it, suddenly it’s unconstitutional.
6: You’re so enthused about demonstrating your Second Amendment rights, you can think of no finer place to brandish your pistol in public than at a presidential rally.
7: You believe Bill Clinton was responsible for Osama bin Laden’s escape ten years ago, but thankfully George W. Bush caught up with him and killed him in Pakistan.
8: You believe in putting American jobs first, except when president Obama rescued 1.5 million GM and Chrysler autoworkers, because that was socialism.
9: It angers you that you can’t communicate with the Mexican busboy at your local Olive Garden, but when you took a vacation to San Francisco’s Chinatown, you thought it’s quaint that so many Chinese-Americans are holding fast to their traditional language. Because that’s America!
10: You deny that the lunatic who tried to murder Gaby Giffords was a conservative, even though he targeted a Jewish, pro-choice, pro gay rights, Democratic Congresswoman.
11: You thought it was perfectly normal that every president in history had an untethered right to raise the debt ceiling when warranted, but when Obama asked the GOP held congress to do it, you thought it only natural that it be tied to cutting Social Security and Medicare.
12: When the new 112th Congress was sworn in, you swooned as they promised to focus on “Jobs, jobs, jobs.” But when they pivoted, and went after NPR, Planned Parenthood and gay rights, you cheered.
13: You accuse president Obama of raising your taxes to the highest point ever, even though they’re lower today than at any time since 1950.
14: You believe the wealthiest Americans are “job creators,” and they are — but it doesn’t bother you that all the workers in those positions are in India, China and Malaysia, and they’re doing the jobs that our fathers once did.
15: You believe gays are anti-American, because their lifestyle is a threat to the children… unless they’re married to Tea Party-backed presidential candidates from Minnesota.
16: You strongly defend individual freedom, but that freedom doesn’t include a woman’s right to decide her own healthcare needs.
17: You believe corporations are people too, and are deserving of the same rights as the rest of us. Just not the same obligations to pay personal income tax free of corporate loopholes, or penalties for massive criminal behavior and tax evasion. In these matters, corporations are deserving of special rights.
18: And since corporations are now people too, you must believe in their right to a driver’s license, the right to marry, to adopt children, etc. These rights shall not be denied to Exxon, Halliburton and BP (but still immune from the right of the People to try, convict and sentence to death any corporation that conspires to commit a felony… because at that point, they’re suddenly not people again.)
19: You still believe Climate Change is a myth, and the recent record highs, lows, floods and droughts around the world coinciding with climate scientist’s predictions are all an amazing coincidence. Oh, and Al Gore is FAT!
20: You believe when George W. Bush took the national debt from $5 trillion to $11 trillion, it was necessary for him to do so to keep America safe. But when Barack Obama added to it by trying to rescue the country from a second Great Depression, he was deliberately trying to destroy America!
21: You believe America is a God fearing country, and that the Almighty protects those who believe just as you do. But it’s never crossed your mind that the majority of tornados, hurricanes and floods all occur in the Bible Belt.
22: You believe that no matter who’s in the White House, the office, if not the man himself is deserving of your respect. The only exceptions to this rule, are if his middle name sounds Muslim, and if he’s not at least as white as that black guy who works down in the mailroom at the office.
You might be a Conservative if you wouldn’t have let your own ancestors into the country.
You’d have to be a Liberal if:
You are fuzzy on the Constitution
and
You actually equate the above to Conservatives
Don’t worry – we’ll bail you out again.
Explain that, “Yup,” what was fuzzy regarding the Constitution?
It’s funny, but it’s also smack on true and that’s sobering.
What’s sobering is that there are actually people who believe claims like the one you just made.
Every single one of 22 claims is a lie about conservatives–and not just dishonest, but a ~dopey~ lie.
Well Chief, I noticed you didn’t actually refute anything I wrote specifically. You just laid out a blanket statement accusing me of telling 22 consecutive lies. Why not be a good redneck, and show me what you’re made of? Knock ‘em down for me, if you think you can. Take all the time you need.
Re-check your history book on the enormity of the devastation left by the Nazis. Nearly six million Jews were murdered. The total body count was much, much higher.
RE:19 – They MIGHT have a point there. Al Gore has gotten a bit chubby.
The list is great! Number 15 was a bit harsh, even for this die-hard liberal. I don’t think it’s appropriate to paint a certain GOP potential nominee’s husband as “gay,” just because he acts like it and has such an animosity to gay folks… Maybe a re-write: “You believe gays are anti-American, because their lifestyle is a threat to the children… The bigger threat is all these straight couples who keep having gay children” or something like that…
Well, Kate, you do have a point, about #15, so far as we know, Mr Bachman is not a practicing gay, and definitely not an “out” gay,
but he’s still definitely gay, to the max, sets off gaydar immediately.
so,
since the GOP doesn’t acknowledge Mr. Bachman’s gayness, the point the article makes *is* a lil wobbly there…
Not out now but time will tell. Some things are inevitable.
Yes yes, they now can exonerate themselves for being racists, because 20% of Republican voters favor Herman Cain, a black man who hates other black people as much as they do, and says all the things about black people they wish they could get away with saying publicly. “SEE, we’re not racists, we like the black guy! Forget the seas of illiterate racist signs at our teabagger rallies; we love the guy with the black skin, who calls black people “brainwashed and stupid! SEE!” There is nothing “fresh” or interesting about Herman Cain. He’s just another proletariat, spewing the same supply-side nonsense and bad ideas, which got us into the economic morass in which we now find ourselves. We aren’t in this mess because of too many regulations, but because there are too FEW regulations. I honor and admire the poster for taking the time to redress the “points” made by the irrational right wing-nut dope, and I considered doing so myself, until I got to point 4, when I realized I wasn’t addressing an actual person, but was futilely banging my head against Glenn Beck’s chalkboard. As someone who has spent my life studying history, both formally and on my own, as soon as someone invokes the “Nazi” argument, I’m done trying to reason with that person. Comparing ANY American leader of movement, left or right, to the Nazi regime, which annihilated over 6 million human beings is both intellectually dishonest and ignorant to the point of very real danger. Historical revisionism is in fact dangerous, because as humans, we tend to repeat our own shameful human history, so to diminish the worst atrocities in such a glib way, shows a lack of the fear and shock we should all feel over the genocidal intentions of the Third Reich. Also, did anyone notice, he claimed he was both a member of the armed services and a member of a union? When has anyone ever heard of a soldier’s union? Also, I love how they sob about the incivility of the left, as they rant and spew the most uncivil, ruthless drivel imaginable. What did he expect in response to his foolish rant, full of insults and vulgarity? Hats off to those of you who remained civil to him. My response to his sophomoric, prolixic, feckless rant, a big FUCK YOU! Succinct, to the point, and not wasting the time to legitimize a single of his boorish propaganda points. Ironically, we liberals whom he so despises, are fighting for him too. Hopefully someday he’ll wake up and realize that and thank us, but I suspect he’d too addled in gay-hate and his mighty mighty fetus defending to understand he is indeed part of the 99% and not the 1% who are screwing him the same as the rest of us. The right wing media has been prolific and successful in teaching low-information voters to fear and despise the poor and powerless and not the elite and powerful, who are in fact taking this Republic down, as they watch and then they’ll blame it on gays and abortion; they’re idiots, and it would be laughable, if their votes were not weighted the same as mine.
What a fabulous post. You covered every base.