In the event that the official Republican response to President (well, campaign Obama) Obama’s State of the Union Address wasn’t quite bizarre and hateful enough for you, you’ll have the opportunity to blow chunks twice as there will be a Tea Party response as well. Perhaps because no self-respecting cable news network would take a chance on televising the tea party response following last year’s train wreck, in which Michele Bachmann couldn’t stare at the camera and babbled incoherently at the same time. That said, this year’s tea party response was streamed live on major tea party website, Teapartyexpress, by 2012 Republican presidential dropout Herman Cain.
On the slim chance that last years Tea Party’s response from failed 2012 presidential candidate and pretend human being, Michele Bachmann, wasn’t quite inadvertently hilarious enough for you, than prepare yourself for a sensual, late night ride on the Cain Train. Ladies drink free and players get all the vile, assburger pizza they want!
Herman Cain, whose grasp of facts is roughly the same as his grasp of sexual harassment, immediately took to the podium at the National Press Club and delved right into the GOP’s seemingly endless affinity of casting the president as anti-business.
“Facts don’t lie. Here’s some facts you did not hear tonite from President Obama: the real rate of unemployment is at 18 percent and economic growth in last three years has been anemic,” said Cain.
It seems the pizza perv is too preoccupied with securing as much speaking fees as possible to get his facts straight about unemployment numbers. While unemployment has remained steadily high under President Obama and he certainly should shoulder that burden, he inherited a economic depression from George Bush of epic proportions and the fan still isn’t clean. Do I really have to mention how when the so-called “job creating” (assuming you want to commute to China) Bush-era tax cuts were passed in 2001, unemployment in this country was at 4.5 percent. Today it’s just struggling to get below 9 percent. And perhaps Cain was too busy dodging bullets in the form of sexual harassment in November to notice that the unemployment rate fell by 0.4 percentage point to 8.6 percent.
Similar to then presidential candidate Bachmann, Herman Cain must think that Obama is also the president of OPEC after claiming higher gas prices under president.
“Gasoline prices have doubled since Obama was elected president,” said Cain.
For Cain’s part, it’s so much better to hollar vacuous GOP slogans for GOP dollars then cite the reality behind gas prices. For instance, the price Americans pay at the pump is directly tied to the crude oil market: an intricate global system largely beyond the reach of Washington. But there’s just no stopping the Cain Train. Well, unless you’re a sexual harassment lawyer.
But the single greatest moment came when Cain tried to twist a line brilliantly delivered earlier tonite by President Obama.
“We want common sense solutions, we believe we need more common sense solutions in Washington,”said Cain.
The president highlighted how our criminally unjust tax code allows a billionaire like Warren Buffet to pay less in taxes than his secretary, and stating the desire to change that when he said ”You can call this class warfare all you want, but most Americans would call that common sense.”
In sum, Cain’s rebuttal appeared to be nothing but a rehash of time-honored Republican talking points uttered by a man who didn’t even have the credibility to eventually lose to Mitt Romney in the primaries.
Here’s the complete video:
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.