Former GOP Presidential candidate Herman Cain, who will soon have a body of work suitable enough for his own Comedy Central roast, has released his latest SickOfStimulus.com video, this time featuring a farmer playing the role of the “average American taxpayer” (because in a country where a full 82% of the population now resides in regions technically classified as urban areas, who DOESN’T think “farmer” when pondering the identity of the average American taxpayer?).
Anyway, in the ad, our farmer, resplendent in his overalls and buttoned-up white shirt (y’know, farmer duds), has armed himself with a big bucket of feed and entered the pen to tend to a bunch of chickens representing — what else? — “Big Government” when he is suddenly attacked by the birds.
As the bucket flies into the air and hits the ground, we are treated to a long series of shots in which our screaming farmer appears to be getting gored in the eye by one of the birds (including a shot of him covering his eyes as runs into the fence and falls to the ground). However, the next shot is that of his unmarked face screaming into the camera as a couple of chickens pounce on him.
Now, here’s where things get weird. (And yes, I realize that by saying “now” I am falling into the trap of pretending that what I’ve seen up to this point appears normal, but bear with me…)
In the middle of this screeching fit, the action suddenly stopped. I don’t quite know what to make of this. I mean, the farmer being lulled into complacency, sure, I get that meme, especially after the deep breath, but what of the chickens? No, no, I’m getting ahead of myself.
Luckily, there is not too much time to ponder the matter before the screeching starts up again. Soon, we see a chicken picking at what looks suspiciously like a chicken bone, a drumstick to be exact (which…no, not yet), before the camera finally pans up to our favorite creepy little girl — what can I say, I’m a fan — who has finally appeared to ask viewers if we have any questions. Twice. The second time is no doubt meant to penetrate the brains of those of us sitting there a bit slack-jawed after the experience, as the camera pans out and shows us a skeleton dressed in overalls and a ragged, blood-stained shirt (is that an auburn wig?) raising its arm.
The video ends with a slide reminding viewers of a December 2011 poll in which Gallup reported that 64% of Americans believe that Big Government is the biggest threat to the country.
As for the questions, yeah, I have a few. Like…what was that? Big government going after the average American taxpayer? How exactly does that work when we’re all sitting here paying the lowest effective tax rates in the past five decades? And what was with that starched white shirt? And that pause with the chickens? Was that supposed to be some sort of government shutdown? And…did they really show us a shot of a chicken picking on a chicken bone? Ewwww. And can somebody — anybody — tell me why that wig was auburn?
And finally…when is the next one coming out? Seriously, these videos are awesome. Sure, you’ll lose a few brain cells on the way, especially if you are brave enough to risk trying to find meaning in any of these animal snuff flicks, but let’s be honest, you’ll also laugh. Out loud.
Because Herman Cain is straight up nuts. Mark my words, that roast is a-coming.
Here’s the video: