It seems the Mommy War was just a short-lived skirmish, as the GOP War on Women is back in full force. Think of the Mommy war as the Football Conflict of meaningless hyperbolic distractions. The War on Women, however, is one the GOP cannot win even if it decides to outsource the fighting to private contractors.

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who was previously against the war on women before he was for it, delivered a rousing speech on the Senate Floor in which he vigorously denied that the GOP is currently waging a war on the fairer sex, in what can only be described as the Wizard of Oz saying “nevermind this man beating up a woman behind the curtain.”

“My friends, this supposed ‘War on Women’ or the use of similarly outlandish rhetoric by partisan operatives has two purposes, and both are purely political in their purpose and effect: The first is to distract citizens from real issues that really matter and the second is to give talking heads something to sputter about when they appear on cable television,” he said. “Neither purpose does anything to advance the well-being of any American.”

“To suggest that one group of us or one party speaks for all women or that one group has an agenda to harm women and another to help them is ridiculous,”he continued. (Source: Huff Po)

In addition to killing children apparently being their raison d’être, Democrats are cynically impugning an entire party for actions which it so clearly hasn’t been committing. Nevermind the overwhelming Republican opposition to Obama’s efforts to improve women’s access to contraception; nevermind Rush Limbaugh’s lame misogynistic jokes and stupid rants against Sandra Fluke; nevermind the Republican amendment that gives employers the power to deny women contraception for any moral reason; nevermind pizza perv and former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain’s belief that women can’t wrap their purty, fondle-worthy heads around public policy; nevermind a Republican governor’s support for essentially mandating state-sponsored rape in the form of needless ultrasounds for women seeking abortions; and nevemind…oh just watch the video below before there’s a war on Carpel tunnel Syndrome.

Here’s the video:

The elderly Senator must have adjourned for a mandatory glass of milk and nap, because after delivering a speech in which he boldly declared that the GOP’s war on women is ‘phony,’ not a single Republican Senator voted in favor of the third reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. Despite Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) and Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison’s (R-TX) efforts at severely watering down the bill, it managed to squeak by in its original form. But expect the politicization of gender to heat up faster than death row inmate in Texas, as the bill will now go to the House of Representatives, where you can expect attempts at dilution to be even greater than in the Senate.

Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, Youtube, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong

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