Serial adulterer and pretend Republican Presidential candidate, Newt Gingrich, appears to have realized what most self-respecting pundits knew long ago, as he has officially
divorced ended his dying nascent campaign. After scorning lazy inner-city school children, harassing college students, and pretty much saying some of the most utterly sanctimonious and hateful things towards gays despite being on his third marriage, Newt Gingrich is going to pack up his 5 delegates and perhaps spend more time with his creditors. Now how will we ever get that 2 dollar gas to shuttle us to our moon colony?
Despite perpetually attacking President Obama over reckless spending and running up the deficit, Newt Gingrich evidently accrued a whopping $4 million in campaign debt, including staffers and creditors, and many of his lenders are very nervous about getting their money back.
Relief can’t come soon enough for the Gingrich campaign’s anxious creditors. The campaign owes Moby Dick Airways $1.1 million for travel and charter flights.; the Patriot Group, a Virginia security company, $449,502 for helping to protect the candidate; and McKenna, Long and Aldridge, a law firm with offices in Atlanta, $183,658 for legal services, the reports show.
But many of the campaign’s creditors are small businesses that say they will suffer major hardship if they are not paid.
In Phoenix, a company called Pro-Production Services is owed $32,506 for providing stages, lighting and sound equipment for a series of campaign appearances by Gingrich in Nevada last January.
“We floated quite a bit of money — a lot of out-of-pocket costs that we covered,” said Ryan Driscoll, a project manager for the company. “I am a little worried. Nobody wants to lose 32 grand.”
Vic Buttermore, owner of Signs Unlimited in Ocala, Fla., says he’s “keeping my fingers crossed” the Gingrich campaign will pony up the $15,000 it still owes for an order of 25,000 “Newt 2012″ lawn signs. (Source: Yahoo News)
Worse yet, none of the other Republican presidential wannabes for president have debts higher than Gingrich’s. For example, Bachmann’s campaign has about $1 million in outstanding obligations, Rick Santorum owes $1.9 million and Rick Perry has only $14,463 to pay off. So either Newt will have to concoct some masterful prevarication for which he’s famous to justify this monstrous hypocrisy, or the more likely option, kiss Mitt Romney’s Cadillacs and have the serious candidate, who actually has the money to live and spend ostentatiously, to bail him out. Well, it just so happens that USA Today reported that Gingrich, in an interview, said he is now “embracing Mitt Romney’s candidacy,” and the presumptive Republican candidate has offered to bail out the reckless spender. Apparently Romney is not just ‘rich enough to not worry about gas prices,’ a pointed remark once leveled at Romney by Gingrich, but he’s also ‘rich enough’ to bail out a fiscally irresponsible grifter. It’s not certain what will come of Newt, but the nasly-voice preacher of prevarication is like herpes; he’s dormant, only to come back with a vengeance. If he wasn’t already promised a cabinet-level position in a Romney Administration, he’ll likely do what every other failed Republican presidential wannabe does and take a “consultant” job at Fox News. We’ll always have the moon, Newt. We’ll always have the moon.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, Youtube, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.