Pastor Jim Garlow is a genuine Christian soldier, willing to lay down his life to defend his way of life from…Well, nobody, actually.

Nobody gives a sweet damn that Garlow is a heterosexual, or that he believes in Jesus in a particularly lucrative manner. Nobody even really cares that Jim Garlow is a small-minded bigot, with a dullard’s small-minded vision of the range of human emotion. If he had just stayed on his insanely vulgar 27 million dollar plus ‘Skyline Church,‘ and continued to fleece his flock, nobody would have given him a second thought.

But Garlow didn’t do that. When California’s Proposition 8 threatened to not change his rights or lifestyle, in any way shape or form, he mobilized the holy hairdressers and the camera crews for Christ, and set out to do battle with the non-armies of the people who were just going about their own lives.

With the righteous fury of those who make their living off of other people’s gullibility, he gathered his followers and they set off to wage a war that Garlow’s accountants still talk about today.

But apparently Jesus was unmoved by the church’s dramatic victory in the holy battle against insolvency. Perhaps because no matter how many television cameras Garlow attacked with his profile, homosexuality still exists. So Garlow has upped the ante.

Here’s the video:

Moving, no? It may be tempting to pick through his words and single out phrases that are nonsensical, self-serving, disingenuous or out-and-out bullshit, but that would be cynical. Although, when the ‘colonial pastor’ (whom I’m CERTAIN wasn’t made up) threw off his vestments and prepared to kill the other Christians who were wearing the wrong colored overcoats, I finally understood what it truly meant to be…I don’t know, it didn’t make any sense, but it was SO inspiring.

But when he said “If necessary, here we die,” there was really only one question to ask:

By whose hand?

Who’s trying to kill this blowhard or his ridiculous congregation? Or even hurt them? Who cares about them at all? Anybody? There is no Association For The Destruction Of Heterosexuality, is there? Nobody is keeping you from having children and filling their heads with the same farcical nonsense you were taught.

And here’s another question:

If gay people are destroying your values by having loving relationships and homosexual relations, why aren’t you fighting back with love and heterosexual relations?

You’re all in the street or in church, preaching hate and not having sex. Go home and have sex! If it works for the bad old homosexuals, it should work for you!

But that’s not going to happen. Pastor Garlow is prepared to fight to the death, in a war he’s waging on a peaceful people. And like Sir Lancelot in the video below, will continue to raise his sword against people who are minding their own business. Maybe ‘minding your own business’ is the pastor’s real foe.

Here’s the heroic video:

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Written by: Don Hamel on June 19, 2012.
Last revised by: Wendy Gittleson