Montana state legislator and veterinarian, Krayton Kerns (R-Laurel), is predicting that gas will reach $25 dollars a gallon. He’s also predicting the end of the republic (Because, that’s what conservatives call America now, instead of a ‘democracy’ because that sounds too much like ‘Democrat’ which sounds too much like ‘Satanist.’ You can’t be too careful.), and it’s all because of Walt Disney and 60 bison.
On his blog, the ‘Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor,’ Kerns reveals a “four point process to crush the republic and bring our populace into perfect dependence on big government – just as Karl Marx dreamed.” Of course, like a fool, Karl Marx wasted his time helping creating the ‘Communist Manifesto,’ when he should have been drawing pictures of deers and bunnies. Because “Step One” and “Step Two” of the insidious four point process have already occurred, and step one was Walt Disney’s, “Bambi.”
Yes Bambi, is a false idol, and Disney’s “personification of animals allowed activists to gift Bambi rights equal to those endowed by our Creator.” That’s when “government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator.”
Whew. Thank the “Creator” that Republicans have taken so many pains to insure that no knowledge whatsoever is ‘promoted’ in our schools today. I remember taking a course called ‘Earth Science.’ but I’m certain there was no ‘Earth Religion.’ Furthermore, as a trained vet, Kerns knows that animals don’t really talk, dammit!
Step two of the end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it was when 60 bison (or “golden calf” to all you earth worshiping heretics) were moved from Yellowstone National Park to the Fort Peck Reservation in Montana. This represents the “noose of federal control” to take 60 of the estimated 3,500 bison in Yellowstone and put them on Native American land. in steps three and four the ecologically extinct wild bison will “overpopulate and escape their temporary home,” and they’ll apparently ravage Montana. I guess they’ll be better prepared than the last time they went toe-to-hoof with man, when we wiped out around 30 million of them.
Anyway, that’s when the bison don’t let good Creator-fearing Montana folks drill for oil, and “instability in Middle East,” (I wonder what that would look like) will make gas prices go to $25 a gallon. That scenario also includes a “future leftist president,” which suggests that the earth worshipers will not all have been trampled by stampeding bison.