Republicans: A Profile Of The Classic Abuser
Types of abuse. Image from http://www.focusministries1.org/weaponsofabuser.asp
As a former victim of domestic violence, in another lifetime, I learned a lot about the abusive personality. When it was over, and I was out, I became a domestic violence hotline counselor. The classes I took to train me for this job taught me two things. One, that abusers aren’t psychotic but instead have character disorders. And two, the abusive behavior isn’t uncontrollable; it is a learned social behavior.
Enter stage left, the Republicans and their fringe faction that is really no longer fringe, the Teabaggers.
The behavior of the Republicans most recently around the debt ceiling debate, and just in general, reminds me vividly of the abusive personality that I engaged with daily, for years, until my divorce. No compromise was ever allowed, it was his way or his other way. He never talked about the many ways in which he was wrong, it was “look what you made me do.” In his mind, the only one whose behavior needed changing was mine. Any abusive behavior of his was justified because, in his warped thinking, I provoked him. He used bullying, fear tactics, threats and intimidation to get his way. In the end, although never abusive to them directly, he used my kids as pawns in his abusive game. He refused to share responsibility in any part of our relationship breakdown. I owned it, lock, stock and barrel.
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If you break it down, how different is the behavior of a classic abuser than the behavior we’ve seen within the Republican Party, most notably, the Teabaggers? When Mitch McConnell says that they’ll hold the debt ceiling hostage again down the road, I know what that means: Just as abusive personalities aren’t generally capable of rehabilitation, neither are the Republicans. Rehabilitation implies that there is a point of normalcy in the past to which one can return. I have yet to see that point for Republicans, they’re beyond redemption. Paul Krugman aptly pointed out that this recent debt ceiling debacle demonstrates that “raw extortion works and carries no political cost,” and that “irresponsible brinksmanship” is now “a proven effective negotiating tactic.”
An abusive personality really doesn’t care who is caught in the crossfire. His desire for control, his low self-esteem and irrational, desperate need to be the winner at any cost trumps any scrap of humanity. Despite the fact that Republicans raised the debt ceiling more than 25 times under Republican presidents, their classically abusive personalities have risen to the fore under this President. At any cost, regardless of any harm to others, they will win. So what if the U.S. defaults? No biggie, if it makes President Obama look bad. If it increases the chances that he’ll be a one-term president, they’ll make a pact with any devil. So what if their newly-discovered “fiscal conservatism” trashes an already fragile economy, tanking the markets and creating even less of a chance of job creation? If that’s what’s required to be the victors in the game of chicken they’ve been playing with our lives, that’s what they’ll do. Their lack of humanity and lack of a moral center, is truly breathtaking.
I remember, during the days when I was on the receiving end of such bullying tactics, how my heart would pound and adrenaline would flow, how my stomach would knot up. I’ve felt that way any number of times during this terrible summer as progressives have fought for a toehold in the battle of integrity against a foe who has none. My gut has kept score. A classic abusive personality generally uses sexually derogatory slurs against his victim. In this case the Republicans use racial slurs against our President. Most recently, GOP Representative Doug Lamborn said that associating with President Obama was like touching a “tar baby.” In the current climate, these slurs are not dissimilar to the derogatory terms like “slut” and “whore” that classic abusers use to refer to their women; it’s how they engage. And how the Republicans have engaged politically ever since President Obama was elected.
When you deal with an abusive personality, day after day, it grinds you down. Exhaustion takes over, mental fatigue weakens your facilities, hopelessness, fear and despair reduce your ability to fight. Sometimes, giving in to ridiculous demands is a relief. It stops the emotional, mental, and physical pain, even if only briefly. You think of leaving, but resist because on some level you know that your very life could be in danger if you do. Of course such fear is not misplaced; most women are killed at the point they are attempting to leave their abuser. And so, as goes domestic violence, so goes the Republican tactics. For every sane, rational plan put forward by Democrats the Republicans upped the insane, irrational ante by demanding such things as a Balanced Budget Amendment to the Constitution or no tax revenues. They refuse to take responsibility for the current debt crisis. Instead, they blame President Obama for everything from TARP to the insane gas prices. And the Democrats, like every victim of bullying and abuse, know on some level that a refusal to comply will mean pain and suffering for many, if not all, Americans. And so they comply, retaining as much dignity and integrity as they possibly can. But in the face of an abusive entity standing in a threatening manner in the doorway, they simply can’t walk through it. The danger is too great.
I understand that emotion; I lived it for far too long. The Republicans have bullied, threatened and extorted for a very long time. And they get away with it because they have something the Democrats will never have: A callous disregard for anyone standing between them and a win. An abuser will knock a kid out of the way in a rage, to reach the object of his obsessive fury. Republicans will knock this country out of the way in that same towering rage, carelessly tossing aside Americans, blaming others for their behavior, refusing to take responsibility for the current state, and never, ever compromising. Just as an abused woman puts her life in danger when she tries to leave, the Democrats know that they’ll put this country at great risk if they make their own demands and stand their ground.
The thing about being an abuse victim though, if you’re basically strong, is that the day comes when you fight back. The day comes when you pick up a Louisville Slugger and look him in the eye and dare him to take one more step in your direction. It’s an empowering moment when you realize that bullies can feel fear, that abusers can be dissuaded, that you don’t have to fear walking through that doorway. You realize that you have little to lose by asserting yourself. I’m confident that this day will come for our country, for Democrats, for all progressives. The day when we will look the Republicans in the eye, brandish our symbolic Louisville Sluggers and say, “No more.” Domestic violence organizations have engaged the services of big, burly private detectives or cops to accompany women to court to face their abusers. It’s interesting, but the one thing abusers seem to respond to is the prospect of being harmed themselves. When faced with a threat, they back down.
Our threat, the greatest weapon we have at our disposal, is stripping Republicans of the one thing they value most: Power and control. In the next election, the Teabaggers must be voted out. In 2012, we must re-elect President Obama. In 2012, we must send a clear message that abuse will not be tolerated, thuggery will not be accepted, and that we will call their every bluff. Our power is in the strength of our integrity and our ability to scream bloody murder when we’re threatened by forces that we know have no interest in our well-being. Abusers say they love us, just as Republicans say they love this country. Republicans say that their behavior is justified to save America from the evil scourge of liberals, just as abusive men claim their behavior is justified to save themselves from a conniving bitch. The cycle of violence is clear: Whatever it takes to drive her away, followed by everything it takes to win her back. We as progressives are required, even obligated, to stop the cycle of Republican violence against Americans. We will stop it with the power in our numbers, with with the power of our votes, with the power of our loud voices.
In the movie, “The Burning Bed,” the female protagonist played by Farah Fawcett poured gasoline on the bed and lit it on fire; killing her abusive husband. When it comes to Republican policies, hypocrisy, and their carelessness with our lives, I’m prepared to light the match.
Edited By Alexis Atherton
12:56 pm
The biggest problem in the USA is that voters have such a short memory. Repubs are the party of NO – and proud of it. They say to do everything possible so Obama looks bad. They won’t support taxes on the super rich, but want thye poor to pay more. They hold this country hostage to get things their fringe crazies want.
I’LL REMEMBER, WILL YOU???????
4:29 pm
While your article is well written, I disagree with the pretense of applying a psychiatric profile as it were to any political group… Yes, you could say that the Republicans have much in common underneath their actions, with abusive partners…. The problem I have at that moment is the victim side of it. I’m not a victim of these people, and feeling like one only gives them greater power through fear. We are not battered house-wives. We are Americans. We are citizens. We could abandon their destructive ideology, and it wouldn’t be anything like a victim attempting to escape the clutches of an abuser. That’s almost a sickening analogy to me. Politicians on both sides of the aisle have created this situation. Democrats as much as Republicans through acts of complacency. Both parties are to blame. I’ve watched the Democrats squander years of opportunity when they could have actually brought this country into a new era of greatness through sheer inaction. I’ve seen Republicans act only the behalf of the corporate donors while allowing the human citizens of our nation to fall by the wayside. The guilt of both parties is tangible. This article diverts the topic away from what really should be done. We need a party of common sense. We need an alternative to this dysfunctional system. We don’t need to feel like we’re being abused though. I will not blame myself for this or feel like the victim… Collectively our citizenry is guilty as well for the complacency that brought us here. Our voices should have raised long ago. But pointing the finger of blame will not fix the problem, and is counter-productive. Stop letting politicians take advantage of you. Remind them that they actually work for us. Not the other way around. Raise your voice. Start thinking about the system and how it could operate differently, and then try to enact the changes necessary. Don’t be the victim, and there won’t be an abuser…. at least that’s how it should work with politics… I do think there is a big difference between politics and domestic abuse, and domestic abuse is not right…. Felt the need to clear that up before posting. Adios.
3:44 am
I’ll cast my vote with those who feel the objective is not to have two opposing camps of idiots battling each other and that this article adds fuel to the opposing idiots war. Seeking false analogies to demonize the other side rather than preventing meaningful evaluations of the relative pros and cons of both sides merely seeks sympathy for a weak case whose substance is simply that the other guy is wrong because his faults aren’t my faults.
3:46 am
typo: “preventing” should have been “presenting”
8:02 pm
Unfortunately when someone attacks another there is a victim… Democrat/Republican, neither here is the victim, the people are the victim of being played by both sides. It’s a soap opera, and we are the audience, whether we want to watch or not … Religion is used to direct their ideals, which contradict the religions they supposedly embrace … I am agreed completely that we need a third party, but w/o the corruption of corporate funding …
4:01 pm
This is the most sane article I’ve read in a long time.
3:55 pm
I’ve been wanting to write a similar article; my X too is all about power and control, and will do anything to get his way, even if it is in the long run harmful even to him. There’s no foresight there. That’s another symptom of mental illness. These socio paths like the power and control factor, so tend to be far to the right. I see so many similarities, just like the author here, with the lunatics in Congress and my experience with emotionally and my verbally abusive x husband. They exhibit many of the same behaviors. It’s mind boggling and this author is writing the same thoughts I had. She is right on in telling the truth.
11:04 am
This article presents an analogy that can be easily understood by any one who has been bullied or abused. And I will venture to say will be rejected by the bullies and abusers. The condition of narcissism often is what afflicts bullies and abusers. Narcissists do not feel empathy.
The real issue to me is how this two party system is used to keep us from being effective in our own governing, from even understanding how our government works..
10:42 am
The only “garbage” is that shit you listen to from Faux Spews. But bottom line is this…This Country works best when a man of color is in the White House, why or how U ask? Because, this Black American POTUS has accomplished over 245 achievements, in spite of constant opposition to his agenda. NOW…just imagine if all GOPukes and TeaPartyPotHeads pulled their heads out of their asses and got on board with things that actually benefit ALL Americans, instread of the corporations they really represent??
11:21 am
No kidding, right? If it were only, say 60% opposition instead of 100% . . . .
9:42 am
This is garbage….. this is a profile of a liberal democrat…. typical…… blaming everyone else. They have always been the party of oppression. The only time this country works is when the conservatives are in the white house. This country was founded on conservative priciples,….. not liberal lets give evrything away…. making a nation of intitaled people
7:41 pm
Yea, Right. Like the two George Bush’s did so much good for this country! The first was a worthless …. And we needed Clinton to put us back onto the straight and narrow. Then the next Bush came into office, and what was once a budget surplus when he took office, led us to the problems that we are in today. Now we have another Democrat saving our country once again. Despite the Republicans constant sabotage, we are still making progress. We would be much better off, if only the Republicans who ran on the platform Jobs, Jobs, Jobs had even attempted to do anything to help the job situation! After they were elected on the promise of JOBS, JOBS, JOBS, they then used the line “Government Can’t create jobs”. Now they are attempting to run using the same line again! Well you know the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. Well I am not going to fall for their line again! Are you dumb enough to fall for this line again?
1:43 am
Oops, my comment was meant for the misinformed Pete.
1:40 am
Uh Melissa, have you seen the clip of Boehner smirking that he got 98% of what he wanted? Yes, 98% of what he held Americans hostage for that resulted in the stock market tanking today.
10:49 pm
AT LAST! Someone has truly cut to the root of the issue in a concise and honest way! I was wondering why this whole debacle felt SO familiar yet I couldn’t put my finger on it. One would think after surviving several abusive relationships I would be able to instantly recognize one, especially one on such a grand scale! But maybe that’s just it… it is just too big and too bizarre to see it for what it is.
7:40 pm
Incredible article!! You hit the nail squarely on the head in this phenomenal piece!
4:42 pm
You’ve captured it beautifully in this article!
10:20 am
I find it interesting how the arguments against this article proves the point:
“When you deal with an abusive personality, day after day, it grinds you down. Exhaustion takes over, mental fatigue weakens your facilities, hopelessness, fear and despair reduce your ability to fight.”
4:20 am
Your overriding emotional sentiment (which is brillantly expressed in your talented writing skills by the way) is completely blinding you from the political reality of our day which is this: both parties are corrupt, and neither one is looking out for America’s best interest. The debt ceiling does not have a height of infinity; we are already in serious financial trouble as a nation and the market reality is that the passage of this bill actually meant very little in that regard. I would suggest you actually research these issues, look at each side fairly and honestly, (instead of cherry picking quotes that support your erroneous preconceived notions)and when the next election rolls around, make and informed and intelligent choice. Voters, who arrogantly think one party is perfect while the other is causing all our problems, are hurting this country as much or more than the Teapartiers.
9:39 am
You’ve said it perfectly. I can only add that it is the verbage of this author, as well as the verbage of extremists from both parties (e.g. Tea Partyists), that fuels the anger and divisiveness felt in our country right now.
12:03 am
I believe the “super congress” was created be McConnell and Reid at the demand of the tea party.
I also believe that this article is right on.
Democrats traditionally want to expand the rights and liberties of the people.
Republicans and the tea party want and have taken them away.
To compare the Democrats to the Republicans and say the Democrats are like the Republicans is at best disingenuous.
And at worst, living up to the basis of this article.
4:11 pm
correcto.
8:58 pm
I am very sorry you endured an abusive relationship, there is a very special place in hell who abuse women or children. That say, comparing the republican party to such a person is inaccurate at its best and repugnant at its worst. If you are going to use the above chart to point out the ways that republicans are like abusers you should do the same for democrats. Virtually all of those traits that apply to an abuser has been displayed by democrats.
For example
biden and other dems calling tea party members terrorists. That one act alone covers verbal attacks, isolation and minimizing, blaming.
The super congress that was formed by Obama is without a doubt abusing authority. 235 years and we have never has to create a separate branch of government until now. This Super Congress has all the powers of the House with none of the checks and balances. They decide what programs get cut, submit their proposals to the house and then they House votes. If they vote them down the Super Congress has the power to put their choices into law even if the vote is no. If obama doesn’t like the choices he can veto. No checks and balances.
There are other examples but i think i have made my point. Politicians on both sides are bending us over and it is time to put a stop to it before it is too late. If the people are so happy with the bill he just signed then why did the stock market take a huge dump today and gold skyrocket. Because the American people are NOT happy with the deal, they have NO confidence in our economy or our elected officials. I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of unemployed Senators and Congressmen in 2012.
12:05 am
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
I believe the “super congress” was created be McConnell and Reidat the demand of the tea party.
I also believe that this article is right on.
Democrats traditionally want to expand the rights and liberties of the people.
Republicans and the tea party want and have taken them away.
To compare the Democrats to the Republicans and say the Democrats are like the Republicans is at best disingenuous.
And at worst, living up to the basis of this article.
2:30 pm
The proof that the two parties, whatever their occasional similarities, are not equivalent is that the Republicans, not the Democrats, who held US credit worthiness hostage in order to win concessions from the Democrats. S&P made it clear in multiple statements that it was Republican willingness to threaten default that made the US less credit worthy, not the nature of the final deal.
Republicans reinforced the message when Sen. McConnell proclaimed that they would do the same thing again because it worked and again when they shut down the FAA rather than give up their attack on union rights. The FAA shutdown made the deficit worse because the FAA was unable to collect $300 million in airport fees. The money went to the airline corporations, not the passengers. The shutdown also put 74,000 people out of work, most of them construction workers.
The Republicans don’t care about the deficit, about the workers, or about the country. They only care about getting their way and serving their corporate masters.
10:44 am
Bill J. You hit the nail on the head.