In this upside down, planet-of-the apes country where the poor and the middle class get blamed for the woes of the rich; where undeserving, quitting moron governors and their offspring get their own reality shows; where bloated healthcare fat cats get elected to governor and disenfranchise people’s right to vote; where grammar school teachers are greedy monsters and poor children should wash toilets; and where a perpetually lying gazillionare who doesn’t pay his taxes and decimated the country’s working class can run for president, hardly anything shocks or surprises. We’re essentially living in the Gilded Era only with better technology and more naked celebs. But this bizarre and ugly realm of hypocrisy and blind avarice took a major detour when manufacture of diabetes and diarrhea, Chick-Fil-A, waged on all out religious crusade against gays.
Even though a chicken franchise’s only stance should be in not giving its customers salmonella, the fast-food giant has a long history of supporting virulently anti-gay causes. Truett Cathy, the founder and COO of Chick-Fil-A, is like is you blended one part Colonel Sanders with two parts Pat Robertson. And it seems that the apple doesn’t fall far from the low-lying tree of hate.
Dan Cathy, Chick-Fil-A Chief Operating Officer and founder’s son, had these wonderfully ignorant words to say:
“I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage’. I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.” (Change.org)
Yeah, yeah–gays ruin everything and letting people be happy will cause the rapture. Nothing groundbreaking there, however. What the purveyor of hate-filled rotisserie doesn’t know is that male chickens are on record hooking up with other male chickens since 1764, thus giving poignant new meaning to cock-fighting. According to Bruce Bagemihl, author of the groundbreaking Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity “the animal kingdom [does] it with much greater sexual diversity – including homosexual, bisexual and nonreproductive sex.”
This doesn’t mean that Biden is going to suggest that President Obama start recognizing same-sex chick marriages (though don’t be surprised if a Republican comes out and says that), nor does it mean that if you eat a gay chicken you will suddenly grow fond of musical theater and like other dudes (though don’t be surprised if a Republican comes out and says that). Rather, it means that Chick-Fil-A COO’s knowledge of theology is as completely lacking as his knowledge of biology. So maybe the bible-thumping purveyor of hyper diabetes may want to reconsider his horribly misbegotten views on same-sex marriage lest he want to accidentally serve a good god-fearing, sanctimonious christian a gay chicken sandwich.
This glaring hypocrisy on the part of Chick-Fil-A certainly hasn’t gone unnoticed. That’s why Change.Org is urging people to sign its petition, imploring folks to “Tell Chick-fil-A to put their money where their mouth is and only sell animals that are 100% heterosexual. (That rules out beef, too. Raccoon? Oops! There are homosexual raccoons, too. Er… maybe they can eat crow?)” (Change.org)
So make Chick-Fil-A eat all the homophobic crow it can and sign the petition on Change.org.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, Youtube, like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab, and check out hisMitt Happens cafe press store. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.