Last night, Stephen Colbert exposed the true agenda behind giving women free birth control! No more Americans babies will be born. Ever! Thank you, Stephen for saving us from those roving bands of hot sluts that want to steal our essence!

But even after we’ve dodged this threat, we’re still careening towards the Fiscal Cliff™! The Fiscal Cliff™ is the nightmare scenario in which rich people pay 4.6% more on their taxes and America is turned into Communist Russia. How this second part happens is unclear, but be assured! It’s coming. The unelected leader and dark master of the GOP, The Norquist, tells us so. Beware The Norquist!

Sacrificed to Grover Norquist? A fate worse than death!

The Sport Report confirmed what we all suspected: “This is what the Olympics is all about: Making little foreign girls cry” and that even though Michael Phelps has been accused by the Chinese of doping, “he smoked the sticky icky, and then he smoked your ass!”

Last night’s interview was with NASA physicist and astronaut, John Grunsfeld about the insanely complex landing of the Curiosity rover. Awesome Geek alert!

See you tomorrow for more Colbert Report Report!

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