Good Morning and all hail the President and Vice-President of the Free Market as they hope to outsource every remaining vital government service, sell off our roads and bridges to China, and make sure the poor and elderly get a Medicare voucher or coupon. Romney, by picking the Lassie-fairest and neo-conservative wiz kid Congressman from Wisconsin, apparently cares more about not getting his feelings hurt by classic conservative columnists David Frum and Bill Kristol, who called the Ryan pick “a proposal [as] a test of Romney’s leadership,” then his own general electorate survival. Romney, a complete and utter politician who irks die-hard conservatives more than gay marriage does, instantly shattered that image into a billion little pieces with the selection of Paul Ryan. If time-honored conservatives were looking for sexy, then they just got freaking Angelina Jolie.
The free market for the elderly Wally Cleaver of politics, is more than just the Eddie Munster look-alike young Budget Committee chairman, he’s the freaking intellectual and Washingtonian superstar of the GOP. Only in DC could a man who authored a budget that clearly places all the blame of bloated government spending on the backs of the working poor while awarding the super rich with even more tax cuts (you know, the things that didn’t create any jobs and actually ran up the deficit) be considered a superstar. As the saying goes: if there’s any way to balance out a ticket of a cold, out of touch patrician, it’s with an aspiring cold, out of touch patrician. Although it seems deadly at first blush, Ryan could actually help Romney.
Mittens is trailing President Obama, and conservatives are justifiably nervous about the likelihood of an effective but bland running mate not giving Romney the adequate energy he so desperately needs. After all, all the recent polls, including CNN/Opinion Research and Fox News , have Obama beating Romney by seven percentage points due in large part to a historically strong 3rd Party presence in key swing states. By selecting Paul Ryan, a man who many consider the guy brave enough to take on the tough economic issues (again, apparently killing the middle class and the poor is being “brave”), perhaps they can bring the Mormon Mannequin to life and close the enthusiasm gap before it is too late.
Even more interesting, however, is the very fact that the budget hawk is now a part of two campaigns: Mitt Romney’s and his own reelection in his state of Wisconsin. He is facing Rob Zerban in a hotly contested race for the 1st Congressional District of Wisconsin.
No matter how many times the thinking class reminds conservatives that President Obama has actually governed very “centrist”, he will forever be a radical Kenyan Marxist who was created by George Soros in a secrete Saul Alinsky factory. So picking a man who vows to decimate Obama’s “culture of dependency” and create sweeping entitlement reform, while shrinking government to the size of the Buffalo Bills trophy case, will certainly make conservatives no longer need their Viagra to get it up.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.