America’s favorite obnoxious teenage mother/high school dropout combo took time out of her ever-so thoughtful and stressful life of teaching her kid curse words on the talking teevee box to bring us her always deep and profoundly penetrating political analysis. We all know the vacuous, totally brainless apple doesn’t fall far from the media whoring tree, so obviously someone must have shoved a camera in her face, thus forcing her to try to make words.
A few hours after Captain Capitalist selected timeshare salesmen and septuagenarian beat-down watching enthusiast to help him outsource what’s left of America to China, Bristol Palin urged her readers (or people who like to write and read OMG gratuitously) to “pray” for Paul Ryan and his family.
“Don’t write a word, don’t make a snap judgment, don’t critique the VP choice, don’t exult in its brilliance,” Palin wrote in a blog entry. “Just take a moment and realize that whomever is chosen, he is a person about to go through an ordeal that few people will ever experience.” (Huffington Post)
That’s right, Wascally Wassillans: save all your snap judgement for homosexuals!
Most of America is still shivering and battling it out in therapy after Sen. McCain decided to go with Bristol’s mother, releasing the Kraken and her maverick-y freak show of a family onto an unsuspecting electorate. But Bristol did sudden;y find herself immediately going from an ordinary high school dropout, knocked-up teenage mom to being a famous high school dropout, knocked-up teenage mom. Much like Mama Grizzly, she has milked all of that 2008 sudden political stardom into a handful of crappy Reality Shows.
“Pray for his family,” Palin wrote. “Pray that he can meet the challenges of the campaign trail without being burned by the spotlight.” She continued: “The next 90 days will be among the most challenging of his life. I’m going to pray for Paul Ryan. Please join me.” (Huffington Post)
Most important, perhaps, is praying that he can name at least one newspaper without having a seizure like episode on national television; that his daughter doesn’t get pregnant only to become an abstinence spokesperson; that he can form a complete sentence; that he doesn’t give up all that hard governing that makes your eyes wrinkle if he and Romney lose the election; and, finally, pray that he doesn’t shame the office of the vice-presidency and exploit a million moron army of miserably uninformed and hilariously ignorant Caucasians on Rascals, all in a shameless attempt to keep making money and hoodwinking people into thinking he’s some sort of maverick-y genius.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.