No One Loves Mittens :(

I don’t hate the guy personally. He’s like Bubble Boy, but, instead of that bubble shielding him from germs, he has just lived in this hermetically sealed bubble of privilege and whiteness and wealth all his life. He belongs to a fringe-y religion that did not acknowledge that black people are actually human beings until 1978, his grandparents and great-grandparents were polygamists, and he is, right now, wearing Magic Undergarments.

The Billionaire Bubble Boy thinks that deprivation means living off the interest from your investments, having to downgrade from 4-star to 3-star restaurants, buying the second-best luxury automobile or choosing not to get ALL the extras and options on your first choice model, only being able to visit six countries instead of seven during summer vacation, not buying that eighth mansion, having to make do with a less amusing and less piquant wine and having to let one of the maids go. He can’t have illegals on staff, folks, he is running for office! Straighten up or heads will roll! His wife Ann is going to have to make do with ONLY two shiny new Cadillacs, and hold off on buying three, because the peasants might experience “class envy” or something distasteful like that…I mean, sheesh, you should see all the fuss the little people are making over his car elevator. What’s THEIR problem?

He might as well have a “FOR SALE or LEASE” sign on his forehead. His values are conveniently flexible for the right price.

Sad Mitt Romney is Sad.

Sad Mitt Romney is Sad.

I don’t think he is deliberately evil but I do think he really, really doesn’t get it. He has never experienced any deprivation or need in his life that couldn’t be fixed via money or calling up a Good Ol’ Boy to help fix it. He was born a millionaire; he was more rich than 99% of us could ever hope to be in this lifetime, all before he cut his first tooth. He might even be a billionaire: we don’t know, because he is hiding most of his assets overseas (to hang out with a lot of outsourced American jobs, I suppose) and dragging his feet about releasing the tax records, even though he released 23 years of records to McCain willingly enough and even though all people running for higher office do this as a matter of course. It is what you do. But Mitt is special, apparently, and doesn’t want to, and he really wishes he could wash the rotting fish stink of Bain off of himself, already, because he “retroactively retired”. What more do YOU PEOPLE need to know?

He is ALWAYS so, so special. He is intellectually incurious (favorite book: “Battlefield Earth,” by fourth-rate sci-fi hack writer and Scientology cult leader L. Ron Hubbard). He has no real sense of humor. “Seamus the dog LOVED the fresh air atop the family car for twelve hours. Ha. Ha. Ha. Don’t let the fact that he crapped himself in terror or ran away five seconds after we reached our destination kid you. He LOVED it. Ha. Ha. Ha.” We’re all exotic Others to Mittens, and he thinks we are quaint and wants to hear the song of our people and learn our native customs, but not if it means getting any cooties. Or eating your shitty 7-11 cookies. Who do you think he is, people? Get those inferior crap biscuits out of here. Gosh!

He’s just so frustratingly out of touch.

It was particularly cute when he claimed to be unemployed…while giving speeches for which groups paid him approximately $400,000.00. “I’m just like you! Unemployed! I feel your pain. Why, Ann and I had to live off of our investments and savings for a while, and man, it sucks when you have to cut down on the size or cut quality of the steaks you are having for dinner. By the way, your trees are the right height.”

I’m not even getting started on his (supposed) values and plans, because those are so mutable that I’m pretty sure he has no idea what his values and plans are until someone throws some money or favors at him in exchange for his support. Pro-Life, Pro-Choice. With the NRA, against the NRA. For Romneycare, against Obamacare. Foreign policy experience? NONE, but he wants to bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran. He’s the Kinder Egg of politicians, but there is no choking hazard toy hidden inside, he’s hollow and you have to offer the prize yourself. It will look an awful lot like what your Republican relatives want, but it will be just smoke and mirrors when they poke at it. Many of his cronies are Bush buddies. No one is really happy with Mittens as the Republican Crown Prince of 2012…except Obama supporters.

But you don’t have to take it from me.

You can read Steve Benen’s ongoing series of articles “Chronicling Mitt’s Mendacity,” which, last I checked, was up to its 31st installment. He just began writing them in January. They each outline, on average, about two dozen different instances where Romney has FLAT OUT LIED about something. Oh, that’s about two dozen lies per article, not two dozen lies total. What. The. Fuck.

If Benen is “too suspect” or “too biased” for you because he is publishing on a “lefty” blog, well…how about a Republican; namely the guy who ran against Obama in 2008. Remember him? You can read John McCain’s complete dossier on Mitt’s flips and flops (all 200 pages of them!) and perhaps come to the same conclusion McCain did: Even Sarah Palin was a better choice for high office than Romney.

Why doesn’t that scare the CRAP out of everyone?!

No one loves Mittens. :(

Except the Überwealthy.

As Harry Reid said, “Perhaps Republicans want to shield a handful of billionaires willing to contribute nine figures to sway a close presidential election. … If this flood of outside money continues, the day after the election 17 angry old white men will wake up and realize they just bought the country. That’s a sad commentary. About 60 percent, or more, of these outside dollars are coming from these 17 people …

Goodbye, “of the people, for the people, by the people”.

Hello, “of the 17 angry old white men, for the 17 angry old white men, by the 17 angry old white men.” Not exactly what Abe Lincoln had in mind when he wrote the Gettysburg Address, I’d bet.

(But I can’t afford to bet you $10,000. For that, you’ll need to ask Mitt Romney. Please wash and sanitize your hands first, before you shake on it.)

“Dadgummit, the serfs are complaining about me on The Interweebz again! When I am Emperor, THEY WILL BE SORRY.”

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