Debunking Conservative Bullsh!t

Author: September 30, 2012 5:00 am

There’s a little “test” that the right emails to itself regularly to make themselves feel better about voting for people that openly despise them. They call it the “Fence Test” as in, “Which side of the fence are you on?” and, my oh my, is it full of right wing fantasies. Let’s break it down, shall we?

THE FENCE TEST: THINK ABOUT THIS, IT IS TRUE. (Translation: Whatever you do, do NOT ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT THIS! – FLS)

You can’t get any more accurate than this! (This is accurate the same way Sarah Palin is eloquent or Mitt Romney is consistently honest – FLS) 

Which side of the fence?If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a G test! (What’s a “G test?” I have no idea. – FLS)
 …
If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one. Instead, he buys 50 to “protect” himself from the Communist Nazi hordes that are about to take over America.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. No, we want assault rifles and extended clips to be outlawed because they exist for the sole purpose of killing large numbers of people in as short an amount of time as possible. Strangely, Republicans seem to apply this very same standard to abortion: They don’t like it so NOBODY should have one. What’s that? You’re protecting innocent life? So are we, dumb-ass!

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat. No Republican would admit to being a vegetarian because it sounds “gay.”*
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. Really? I would LOVE to see the bill Democrats wrote trying to ban all meat. Let me know when you can’t find it because it doesn’t exist. But on the the topic of meat, Democrats would like to make it safe to consume. That’s why we have the FDA. Republicans, on the other hand, want to let corporations use as much bad meat and rat droppings as they want because it will make them more profitable. Who is it that wants you to stop eating meat again?

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. BULLSHIT! They spend all of their time trying to outlaw it by falsely linking homosexuality to pedophilia until they get caught in an airport bathroom picking up a gay prostitute.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If by “respect” you mean the same rights everyone else gets just for being born straight, then, sure, they want respect. If what you really mean is that they want for conservatives to not be able to bully teenagers into suicide, I can see why Republicans would find that offensive. Bullies don’t like being told to stop being dicks.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. Or how to make life worse for the people even worse off so they can feel better about themselves.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him. Actually, they rely on the safety net we’ve built as a society and that they paid into in case they, or others, need it until they get back on their feet. Republicans think this is a TERRIBLE idea and prefer people end up on the street for some reason…

If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. And then they go online to whine about how persecuted they are because those other “bad” channels keeping saying everything they “know” is a lie.
Democrats demand that those they don’t like be shut down. ie – (FNC) FOX NEWS CHANNEL Yes, because Fox is not news, it’s propaganda and it’s deliberately hurting the country. There’s a reason study after study after study shows Fox viewers to be the most uninformed people in the country. For god’s sake! One study even showed that people who watch NO news are better informed!

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. An openly atheist Republican? That’s like a unicorn sighting. Republicans MUST pander to the religious right or they’ll be run out of town.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. No, we want Republicans to stop promoting Christianity over all other beliefs and lack thereof. For instance, a Republican would rather swallow rat poison than allow a Muslim to have the same religious “rights” they claim for themselves. After all, WE’RE not the ones that keep trying to ban Mosques, are we?

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. Because we here at the GOP despise moochers that use socialized healthcare even if they pay into it through taxes instead of straight to the pockets of an insurance company.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his. This is the GOP speaking, that last point doesn’t apply to all of you good, honest, conservative folks on Medicare. We would never suggest YOUR socialized health care is, in any way, not 100% American! (goddamn moochers…)

If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. Because mindless babble based on lies and distortions that remind me why I’m supposed to hate liberals and Democrats is awesome!

A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended” because it’s the TRUTH! No! We’ll make fun of the shallow stupidity of Republicans and conservatives and post it for people to read! Liberals will read this and shake their head at their childishness. Conservatives will scream and cry about wanting “their” country back and leave a pointless insult about how I’m just a stoopid librul. 

*I don’t actually know if any prominent Republicans are openly veggie. If you know of any, tell me!

Feel free to tell me what a terrible person I am on Facebook, at my home blog or follow me on Twitter @FilthyLbrlScum  

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