BREAKING NEWS – Gays Are Behind Hurricane Sandy

It’s bad enough they’re destroying marriage as we know it, adopting and/or giving birth to children better served by life in “straight” families, inducing young Scouts to a homosexual lifestyle, and wreaking havoc on the feng shui of, heretofore, beige environs with shades of teal, but now it seems The Gays have reached far beyond terra firma to grab old Mother Nature and whip that bitch into a megastorm frenzy. Yep, turns out the gays are behind Hurricane Sandy.

According to fundamentalist Christian conservative, John McTernan, in a piece titled “URGENT: Prayer Tonight” posted on his blog, John McTernan’s Insights, McTernan makes a number of jaw-dropping points. Here are a few excerpts of note:

God is systematically destroying America. Just look at what has happened this year… Just last August, Hurricane Isaac hit New Orleans seven years later, on the exact day of Hurricane Katrina. Both hit during the week of the homosexual event called Southern Decadence in New Orleans! 

Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 20, 1991… this was the day that President George Bush Sr. initiated the Madrid Peace Process to divide the land of Israel, including Jerusalem. America has been under God’s judgment since this event… It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel; however, it has gotten worse under all the presidents and especially Obama. Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it! (Emphasis mine.)

I’m not clear who “both candidates” are (Romney’s certain not “pro-homosexual; is there someone in the Muslim Brotherhood who is?), and I feel McTernan dilutes his anti-gay theme with the rant about Israel, but somewhere in all this mess the point is made. Gays are behind the Perfect Storm, Part 2.

Dear God.

Literally, Dear God, why is it you keep “systematically destroying America” because the very people you created in your “likeness” (you made no post-Creation stipulation for gays) are going about living their lives, paying taxes, loving their mates, raising their families, and decorating with a wider color palette? I’d think you’d be more pissed about white supremacists, pedophile priests and Scoutmasters, serial-marriage straights, drug pushers, Lindsay Lohan, rapists and wife beaters, racial bigots, and that God-awful Learning Channel. In fact, I bet you are. I bet Hurricane Sandy is a direct and clearly infuriated response to Toddlers & Tiaras.

What? It IS?? Wow, well, okay, I’m gonna tweet McTernan right away, let ‘im know – oh, what? He’s not on Twitter? Oh, okay. I’ll post it here; I’m pretty sure he reads Addicting Info.

Thanks, God, for the heads-up! Always nice to get it straight from the Maker.

BREAKING NEWS: God is punishing America – for the sexualization and exploitation of its little girls in Toddlers & Tiaras – with the wrath of Sandy, who is, after all, a female hurricane and, much like Ellen Ripley in Aliens, ready to bitch-slap the monsters going after our innocent children. Either that or it is climate change.

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