Leave Or Die: New Jersey Goes Total Wiseguy With Sandy Warnings

Author: October 29, 2012 7:27 am
Radar image of Hurricane Sandy heading towards upper Northeastern seaboard.

Radar image courtesy of the National Weather Service.

For the huddled, storm-weary Joisey (and NYC, DC, and PA) masses yearning to watch football and the Walking Dead uninterrupted, you may want to consider the incredibly brash and dire warnings of New Jersey’s National Weather Service if you wish to keep yourselves — or at least your remains, intact. With the weather channel turning into Fox News meets a Steven Spielberg production, millions of tri-state denizens appear to have a not-so-comforting choice: have the living crap scared out of them in a safe zone or the living crap scared out of them if they remain reluctant to leave their abodes in mandatory evacuation zones. Hey, ya wanna fight about it?! Fuggetaboutit!


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Governor Tony Soprano is essentially auditioning for the 2016 Republican slot and therefore is on his best behavior.

We should not underestimate the impact of this storm and not assume the predictions will be wrong,” Christie said during a storm briefing Saturday in Middletown, a municipality not far from the Jersey Coast. “We have to be prepared for the worst here. I can be as cynical as anyone, but when the storm comes, if it’s as bad as they’re predicting, you’re going to wish you weren’t as cynical as you otherwise might have been,” said Christie during a press conference in which he declared a State of Emergency in NJ. (Philly.com)

But a somewhat more reserved Christie (a more frightening and bizarre scenario than 50-foot waves on Halloween) certainly hasn’t prevented The New Jersey National Weather Service going all Joe Peschi from Goodfellas.

From a bulletin from earlier today regarding those more stubborn residents:

“If you are reluctant … think about the rescue/recovery teams who will rescue you if you are injured or recover your remains if you do not survive,the bulletin read. (Daily Beast)

Now go home and get your freaking shoe-shine kit, Sandy! Sorry, I got a little too caught up in the sickeningly blunt admonition.

Sandy has already caused President Obama to declare New York and Washington D.C. in a state of emergency;  New Jersey’s and New York’s mass transit to shut down, and — worst of all — President Obama and GOP Candidate Mitt Romney to cancel their campaign events for today.

 Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.

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