Lincoln’s Best Hits: Cheesy Spielberg Movie Reveals Classic Quotes From Old School Republican

Author: November 17, 2012 8:07 am
Abraham Lincoln at Sharpsburg.

President Abraham Lincoln with Major Alan Pinkteron and General John McClernand at a Union camp in Sharpsburg, Maryland in 1862. (Photo Credit: Bettmann/CORBIS)

With Steven Spielberg’s eagerly awaited historical movie  — and inevitable Academy Award winner —  Lincoln set to be released this weekend, it’s important for us to look back on some of the greatest quotes from one of America’s most beloved, admired, and frequently depicted president in US history. And I DON’T mean the alter-ego shown slaughtering zombies in this summer’s crappy horror flick.

Nowadays, today’s Republicans probably regard that time in history as an episode from some scary horror movie, but our sixteenth President was actually an ardent member of the Republican Party. Moreover, they may want to reconsider their little secession fantasy, which involves a Republican stalwart who abolished slavery and prevented the demise of our fledgling country, and which ultimately paved the path for a black man to become president. It’s too bad that obviously, many modern Republican Paulbots now view Lincoln as a treasonous federalist, who messed with the constitution (like suspending Habeas Corpus) and was a total hater for discriminating against states whose elites believed in holding other humans in servitude indefinitely.

So, there’s probably no chance of getting many of those gun-club patriots to climb down from their Truck Nutz so they can understand the enormity of Abraham’s Lincoln’s significance among men of greatness (or even appreciating the immense size of Lincoln’s own Truck Nutz while facing down guys just like them way back when). In fact, there’s a greater chance of discovering Atlantis in your septic tank than Paulbots ever “getting” it, as they squawk,”Don’t Tread on Me!”… blah, blah, blah.

So please go and see this once and a lifetime film, and revel in the orgiastic wonder — or comatose state of saccharine overdose often followed by projectile vomiting —  which occurs whenever  you combine Steven Spielberg and history. Or simply sit back and enjoy some of the greatest quotes and witticisms from the iconic man in the goofy stovepipe hat (which he probably would’ve worn to the theater):

1. “America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. ” ~ Abraham Lincoln

2. “Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.” ~Abraham Lincoln

 3. “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. ” ~Abraham Lincoln

4. “As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.”
~Abraham Lincoln

5. “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.” ~Abraham Lincoln

(Source: Brainyquote)

Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.

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