The CEO and Founder of Papa Johns, John Schnatter, took douchebaggery to a whole new level when he stated that the Affordable Healthcare Act would force him to raise prices on his hot wheels of orange cardboard with sauce . Of course this is the same person who recently gave away 2 million free pies as part of a NFL marketing stunt and managed to find the money to purchase a massive ski mansion in Utah. But mean old Obama wants Schnatter to actually support the health of all his lowly employees who ensure his millions everyday. Why somebody in the food industry would want their employees coming to work sick and thus hacking into the pizza dough (might be an improvement in taste) is beyond reason, but one local pizza shop owner in Wisconsin is happy to watch his big business rival squirm.
Nick Martin, who’s part owner of a pizza shop with four locations in Wisconsin, doesn’t have the army of employees (and corporate attorneys on permanent retainer) or daily output that Schnatter does but yet has managed to offer full heath care coverage to his 50 full-time employees for years. But as you know, in order to be successful in business nowadays you have to double as a soul-sucking leach (and it helps to look like one), who’s all about skimping on quality and bettering the business bottom line at the expense of workers. Therefore, Martin’s very noble and decent decision of offering healthcare to his employees has made it incredibly difficult to compete with national chains like Papa John’s, where workers make slave wages and have no health benefits either all so guys like Schnatter can purchase more diamond-encrusted Hummer yachts. For Martin’s part, Obamacare really levels the playing field.
“This may level the playing field for us,” Martin said of the Papa John’s price hike. “If they have to pay for benefits, and that pushes their prices up closer to ours, it will justify what we’ve been paying for and what we’ve been fighting to do the past few years.” (Huffington Post)
In fact, one professor of economics at MIT agrees that Obamacare will force franchise giants to be on par with 60 percent of small businesses that pay employees health benefits.
“Evidence suggests that when health insurance costs go up, worker wages fall, rather than prices going up,” Jonathan Gruber said. “If firms are forced to give their workers health insurance, they generally react by paying workers less in wages; they don’t raise the price of goods.”
And since a major portion of Papa Johns employees are already making slave wages, Gruber pointed out. “So you can’t reduce wages for those employees, and the firm may have to increase prices a little bit,”he said. (Huffington Post)
So a company that’s merely two years old has managed to provide its employees with health coverage, but yet a mufti-million giant that’s been in existence for decades cannot do them same? Any way of making greed a pre-existing condition? Well, if Obamacare forces purveyors of crap like Papa Johns and Denny’s to suffer, America may not even need health insurance anymore since we will automatically be 100 percent healthier.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.