Lindsey Graham Mistakenly Thinks Gay Marriage Debate Just Like Civil War (VIDEO)

Author: December 12, 2012 5:37 pm

John McCain BFF and super southern Republican Senator, Lindsey Graham (R-SC), is the personification of  vanilla white guy.’ If you ever walked into a Cracker Barrel, he either looks like the manager or one of the gift items. Well, Graham isn’t a big proponent of same-sex marriage and, in fact, previously supported a federal amendment that would “define marriage between one man and one woman.” However, Graham has since relaxed his previously strident anti-gay marriage stance. Who knows, maybe he was visited by three gay ghosts or just maybe he sees the issue becoming overwhelmingly popular among sane Americans. But who really knows what makes these people think and say things, especially since so many of them believe that life begins at erection.

Anyway, during a recent appearance with CNN’s Piers Morgan, Graham changed direction on marriage equality by saying he thinks states should have the right to decide on marriage rights. This is like when your crazy uncle comes down from the attic after he grows tired of urinating in jars. But Graham did totally undue his seemingly more reasonable stance on gay marriage when he compared it to Polygamy.

Is it possible for three people to genuinely love each other and want to share their lives together? Is it OK to have three people marry each other?” said Graham to Morgan (Think Progress)

Not exactly. Newt Gingrich wants a harem of women, gays just want to marry one person. Man, that Lindsey Graham has a filthy mind.

After Morgan stated the obvious that the debate was about couples, not threesomes, Graham then stated that if “the people” who want a same-sex marriage would pass a constitutional amendment legalizing it like these people did when they banned slavery:

Can — can I suggest this? Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch ‘Lincoln,’ a great movie. The people decided. The question for us is who should decide these things? Should it be a handful of judges or should it be the people themselves? And I come out on the side of the people themselves. Different people will look at it differently. But slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. If you want to propose a Constitutional amendment legalizing same-sex marriage and it passes, that’s the law of the land.” (Think Progress)

Here’s the video:

As someone who actually saw Lincoln, the very few people who favored a constitutional amendment outlawing slavery were radical, liberal Republicans. I know, Republicans. Isn’t that nuts?! And in order for them to even bring the matter up for a vote, they had to rely on bunch of oleaginous hucksters (think 19th century Jack Abramoffs) who played quid quo pro with votes by promising the lame-duck Democrats, who favored slavery and the status quo, a whole slew of patronage jobs and goodies. Analogous to Obama, Lincoln demonstrated an unusual magnanimity towards his implacable foes and therefore really wanted their support on the 13th amendment. (Spoiler alert) And, as the movie wonderfully demonstrated, the only reason the amendment actually passed was after Lincoln himself, in an act of masterful politicking, manipulated the passage of the 13th amendment. Also, Graham may have overlooked an intsy little fact that the amendment only came to be after the bloodiest and darkest periods in American history.

And as far as leaving it up to the states for a popular referendum, just look at what North Carolina did. Seriously, you can marry your cousin in that state so long as that cousin is not gay. In Graham’s state of South Carolina, voters overwhelmingly voted to amend the constitution to explicitly ban same-sex marriage and civil unions, and a 2009 bill to afford same-sex couples the same rights as marriage remains in a subcommittee to this day. So the south seems to keep up its tradition of totally missing the very basic concept of civil rights, which means that forcing it as State’s Rights issue is very negligible.

 Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.

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