As we all prepare to crack open the good stuff before collectively falling off this monetary precipice (I refuse to call it the other thing anymore), tradition dictates that we look back at all the crazy crap that happened during the year and put it in a obligatory list. 2013 appears to be the year of the snake–even if Romney didn’t get elected–but even if 2012 was the year of the dragon, one would thin it was the year of the cock with Republicans relentless war on women and their super happy fun parts. So before everyone injects brown liquor into their veins and drunkenly falls off the monetary precipice, let’s take a look back at the worst of the GOP’s war on women in 2012. Indeed, the GOP really appears to hate Big Uterus, not Big Government.
1. Virginia Republican Governor Bob McDonnell signs a bill forcing all women to undergo trans-vaginal ultrasounds.
2. Regarding trans-vaginal ultrasounds, Pennsylvania Republican Governor, Tom Corbett, said that women need only to “close their eyes” and everything will be alright. Apparently they need to think of pleasant and rational stuff, like not getting a cold probe shoved up their fun parts. I suppose if politics doesn’t work out for Gov. Corbett, he’ll have a long and lasting career writing for Hallmark. Well, maybe not.
3. Republican Congressman and perpetual pest, Darrell Issa (R-CA) , convened an all-male panel addressing contraceptive mandates for health insurers, which is like HHS Kathleen Sebelius convening an all-female panel on athletic straps.
4. Missouri Republican Senator Roy Blunt proposed the Blunt Amendment (and it has nothing to do with resin) that would have “allowed employers to downright refuse to include contraception in health care coverage if it violated their religious or moral beliefs,”. Luckily the crazies only control the House and the amendment was voted down in the Senate.
5. Pretty much everything said by Rush Limbaugh in 2012. America’s most impotent man and drug addict radio host sparked a massive boycott movement after calling Georgetown Law Student, Sandra Fluke, a “slut” and “prostitute” over contraception.
6. Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) and apparent vagina whisperer made a tsunami of controversy after declaring women’s bodies can somehow prevent pregnancy from taking place following “legitimate rape.” Ironically, Akin was legitimately raped by Claire McCaskill and lost the 2012 Senate Race. Since 2013 is “the year of the snake” he may find himself having a comeback. Who knows, maybe he’ll write lyrics for Lil’ Wayne.
7. Then Indiana Republican Senate Candidate, Richard Mourdock, and his questionable comments on rape. As if we needed yet another reminder why today’s GOP is everything like the crazy, rambling religious guy with the long beard on the street corner (except for the beard), then Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-IN) made Rep. Todd Akin look like Betty Friedan when he vigorously declared that he opposes aborting pregnancies conceived in rape because “it is something that God intended to happen.” Luckily, voters of Indiana declared Mourdock as Senator was not what god intended to happen and he vigorously lost to his Democratic opponent Joe Donnelly. Maybe Mourdock will start writing lyrics for Rapper Chris Brown.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.