The White House Petitions website was created so that ordinary people could petition their government. It is, after all, a right that’s outlined in the First Amendment of the Constitution. Since its inception on September 1, 2011, the ideas have been far ranging. Most of them are serious and thoughtful. Some are just funny, others are curious, and some are downright crazy!
While I know that there have been petitions that were equally as crazy as the ones listed here, the website only allows the viewing of active petitions. But don’t worry. There are still plenty of crazy ones to choose from. So without further ado, and without preference for level of craziness, here are the top 10 craziest petitions to the We the People petitions website.
1. Publicly admit and disclose all information about extra-terrestrial beings, our true history, and peaceful technologies. This one’s for all those ET loving, love-not-war, and worldwide peace gals and guys out there. It suggests using our really awesome and peaceful technology so that we can make peace, and not war, with any aliens who might want to friend us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter. So far over 700 people think this is a groovy idea.
2. Authorize the production of a recurring television program featuring Vice President Joe Biden. We all know that our beloved Vice President says what he thinks and doesn’t mince words. Sometimes it’s a bit embarrassing, but mostly it’s pretty funny. Who wouldn’t want to watch our Vice Pres yuck it up all day long? Perhaps it might give an up-and-coming comic the inspiration to create the best skit since James Stockdale was parodied on SNL. This petition currently has 1,800 people ready to watch the Joe Biden show.
3. Direct the United States Mint to make a single platinum trillion dollar coin! Despite the title, this petition is not asking the government to order the U.S. Mint to make coins for the benefit of avid coin collectors. This is an idea originally dreamed up by Ron Paul as a way of dealing with the national debt. Well, I guess we could do that…or not. Currently, there are over 6,000 signers who think this idea is worthy of consideration.
4. RESIGN! This petition suggesting that the President should resign is crazy for two reasons. First, there are actually two identical petitions with the same header and description, and they both have the same number of signatures. I’m guessing that this is not a competition, but surely it’s the inner voice of Peter Paranoia. “The government will surely delete one of our petitions, so let’s make sure they see it, and then have one for safe keeping.” The second reason for the crazy designation can be seen in the highlighted portion of the petition’s description:
Apparently, there are over 1,900 people who agree with this author that antidepressants are the cause of violence in our country, and as such, the President should resign.
5. Dear Every Member of Congress: You Will No Longer Have a Job… This one appears to be your standard dislike of Congress. Upon further inspection, this one qualifies as crazy, and more. It starts off with the usual rant about legislating on gun control, including the bill numbers. The creep factor goes up quickly after that. The author promises that he will be “watching carefully. Every single one of you. Every vote you have; on EVERY piece of legislation. I will also be publishing those votes for them to be easily accessible to the public…” In spite of the creep factor of this petition, it has garnered over 2,000 signers.
6. Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016. This one speaks for itself and is just crazy funny. It looks more like it would be a headline in the Onion. Apparently, this is a popular idea. There are over 33,000 people who think the U.S. Government should be building a Death Star. May the force be with you!
7. Peacefully grant the State of Texas to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government. The reason for its craziness is obvious, so no explanation is required. This suggestion is not new, but I applaud the authors for their tenacity. Other honorable mentions for Louisiana, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Alabama. Texas gets the top prize because it rendered the most crazy people onto one secession petition – over 125,000 signatories.
8. Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America. I love petitions that are in reaction to other petitions, but this one’s special. It’s not really crazy at all. Instead, it’s actually brilliant. Why pass laws to keep all the crazies in line? Instead, do it in one fell swoop and let them have their own crazy country. There are over 29,000 people who wish to give these secessionist what they want.
9. Designate National White GeNOcide Day Well, the Constitution does say that anyone can petition the government. I guess even white supremacists get a voice. My question is, do they realize that they have a president who is part African-American? This whites-only message is brought to you by just over 1,000 people.
10. Deport British Citizen Piers Morgan for Attacking 2nd Amendment While this petition seems to barely pass muster as crazy, since every crazy has come out the woodwork demanding their 2nd Amendment right, this one is different. This petition has taken on a life of its own, courtesy of the highly-paranoid Alex Jones. Mr. Jones has taken it upon himself to explain why he thinks journalist Piers Morgan should get deported. He recently went on Piers Morgan’s show where he ranted for seemingly eons about everything under the sun related to gun control. He ended up making a fool of himself, and the issue of gun control. The scary thing is, over 108,000 people think that the U.S. Government should deport Piers Morgan simply because he expressed a desire for sensible gun control in the U.S.
I know I said that this list would include the top 10 crazy petition ideas. I did want to add just one more item. It’s on the list because I love the response to the petition to Release the recipe for the Honey Ale home brewed at the White House. This idea was not listed under the active petitions, but instead under those petitions with a response. The response was one that will make you smile. Not only was the recipe shared, but there’s a video and background on this topic.
If there’s one thing that we can learn from this, is that this country includes all types of people with all types of ideas. Sometimes they’re crazy funny, others are lighthearted, and still others are downright creepy. Whatever the case, participation in our democracy is what we value, and this is one outcome of it. Love it or hate it, our country is unique.