So you know how, after deadly gun massacres in other countries, — like Scotland and Australia — those nation’s leaders and citizens have reasonable discussions regarding gun ownership and act accordingly?
Well, here in the good old United States of Jesusland — near Smalldickville — reasonable talks about sensible gun legislation are as inaudible as verifiable facts broadcast on Fox News. Following a monumental tragedy which left 20 innocent children and six adults dead, anyone with more than two brain cells would think that a discussion on gun control would be universally supported. But for the retarded man-children of the world, such as Alex Jones, it’s all about the Evil Kenyan Socialist Nazi (Maoist too?) deploying scary feministas like Rosie O’ Donnell and Barbara Streisand to invade their God-fearing, Patriotic Doomsday shelters and confiscate their guns. But just as things have already surpassed South Park levels of low-brow absurdity and can go no further, enter Ted Nugent.
In an editorial on noted conspiracy the website WorldNetDaily, this washed up and perpetually paranoid rocker went so far as to suggest that gun owners are the modern-day equivalent of civil rights icon Rosa Parks. Echoing the hilariously hysterical mouth-foaming ravings of his Tin Fol Cap Highness, Alex Jones, Nugent falsely claimed that Obama’s as yet to be issued (or even seriously considered) executive order on assault weapons was a blanketed attempt at outright gun confiscation. Again, fear and smear is all these know-nothings with high-speed internet and too much time on their hands (the rest of the civilized world have actual jobs) know; they will stop at nothing to infect the airwaves with their cancerous claptrap.
“If it comes to the actual implementation of an actual confiscatory directive from our president, then I do believe that the heroes of the law enforcement will defy this order. I do believe that there are enough soulless sheep within our government who would act on such an illegal order but I believe the powers that be at the local, state, and regional law enforcement would halt such an illegal, anti-American order…These are top-notch heroes of law enforcement and military who understand this experiment in self-government and we will not let it [gun confiscation] happen, we will do it peaceful. But there will come a time when the gun owners of America, the law-abiding gun owners of America, will be the Rosa Parks and we will sit down on the front seat of the bus, case closed.” (Think Progress)
Severely un-medicated, deranged and demented lunatics like Jones and Nugent live in an alternate reality where each and everyday we’re somehow closer and closer to forced collectivization on Arugula farms. They have entered a whole new realm of asshole-ishness that didn’t previous exist, not even in Boehner’s GOP House. They have made their own hopelessly insecure selves more of a victim instead of the actual victims of the Newtown gun tragedy. It’s almost as though they are pro-massacre, not pro-gun.
Much like how they’re confused about everything else under the sun, they totally miss the key point of the Second Amendment that is, a “well-regulated militia.” If they wish to legitimate their claims of being strict constructionists (except when it comes to woman’s body and corporations) and unwavering constitutionalists, then they should probably exchange all their Rambo toys for Muskets since that was the weapon available during the time of the Second Amendment’s writing. Indeed, they must have had much bigger penises back then if the desperate need for the average gun nut’s need for phallic reassurance is any indication.
Jon Stewart said it best the other night when he brilliantly eviscerated every baseless and imaginary claim by the diehard right:
“So this is what it is. Their paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can’t even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant the rise of imaginary Hitler,” said Jon Stewart during Tuesday night’s Daily Show” (FreakoutNation)
Comparing legitimate civil disobedience by a woman belonging to a race of people who were victims of some of the worst segregation and humiliation to a gaggle of hoopleheads who like to play Kindergarten Halloween dress-up and pretend they’re freaking Braveheart (except they never seem to want to fight for their country in war) is, well, like comparing the President to the murderer of six million Jews.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.