Republicans Outdo Each Other For Idiocy At Clinton Benghazi Hearing

Author: January 24, 2013 4:44 pm

Johnson_Paul_Benghazi_Hearing

 

It seems when Senators Ron Johnson (R) of Wisconsin, and Rand Paul (R) of Kentucky get up in the front of the class, the spotlight turns them into something other than intelligent, informed, and respected lawmakers. It doesn’t seem to matter what the subject is or whether they are in a Senate Committee, being interviewed by a major news network, or even making a comment to their local newspaper. It’s as if they try to outdo each other when given a microphone. They end up looking more like they’re the sparring characters from Spy v. Spy. Let’s watch as each spy tries to outdo the other. Who will end up being blown to bits first by their own chicanery?

On How to Conduct Oneself in Official Hearings

‘Spy’ Ron Johnson

In a recent hearing on the attacks on Benghazi, ‘Spy’ Ron Johnson showed how much (actually, how little) he understands how different branches of government work when it comes to foreign affairs. He seemed to think that Hillary Clinton should have personally interrupted the FBI investigation with questions that he had about the events. Here’s what he thought Secretary Clinton should have done .

“Do you agree that a simple phone call to those evacuees to determine what happened would have ascertained immediately that there was no protest? I mean, that was a piece of information that could have easily, easily obtained.”

Yeah, right. I think he’s watched one too many episodes of Hogan’s Heroes. In response, Secretary Clinton was kind. She explained simply enough for Johnson that one does not simply jump in the middle of an ongoing FBI investigation. In response to her explaining how each department works, he didn’t wait for her to finish. He was too excited, and he didn’t like what she was saying. Like ‘Spy’ Rand Paul he jumped in and said spitefully…

“I realize that’s a good excuse.”


Spy’ Rand Paul

When it was ‘Spy’ Rand Paul’s turn, he made sure that he made his views known. He wanted to make sure that he was on the record about who should take responsibility. The problem is, he didn’t seem to understand that when he made a comparison to the tragedy of 9/11, he was actually saying that there were a lot of Republicans and their cronies who should have been fired. Oh, ‘Spy’ Paul. You really should think about what you say before you say it.

“One of the things that disappointed me most about the original 9/11 is that no one was fired. We spent trillions of dollars, but there were a lot of human errors. These are judgment errors and the people who make judgment errors need to be replaced, fired, and no longer in the position of making these judgment calls.”

On Civics 101

‘Spy’ Ron Johnson

In a move that is surely reminiscent of the little boy who ruins a good game of street ball when he’s losing, ‘Spy’ Ron Johnson mounted a one man protest during budget talks. He threatened to take his ball home unless the other Congressman played by his rules. What he doesn’t realize is that Freshman Senators don’t get to determine whose rules to use. I’m guessing he promptly received a swirly for this stunt.

“So unless we receive some assurance from the Democrat leadership that we will actually start addressing our budget out in the open, in the bright light of day, I will begin to object. I will begin to withhold my consent.”

If he holds his breath and his consent, the swirly will seem a lot less traumatic.

Spy’ Rand Paul

After the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 to uphold the Affordable Care Act (otherwise known as Obamacare), ‘Spy’ Rand Paul wrongly assumed that the Court didn’t have the authority that it does. But apparently his role as a spy makes him privy to things the rest of us don’t know.

“But just because a majority of the Supreme Court declares something to be “constitutional” does not make it so.”

The problem is, he made this declaration in front of thousands. He did it at the Republican National Convention. Perhaps he should have taken his wife’s advice and think for ten seconds before he opened his mouth. Nope, too late.

On How Not To Appear More Important Than You Are

Spy’ Rand Paul

The recent hearings on Benghazi started out with what may have seemed like, well, a hearing on Benghazi. However, within a short time, it appeared as if ‘Spy’ Rand Paul cunningly turned it into a press conference for his announcement that he was running for president.

“Had I been president and found you did not read the cables from Benghazi and from Ambassador Stevens, I would have relieved you of your post.”

Here’s a tip to ‘Spy’ Rand Paul. Wait until after the hearing to make your announcement.

‘Spy’ Ron Johnson

‘Spy’ Ron Johnson thought that since he was being interviewed on Fox News, he’d be safe from any scrutiny. He was asked about the issue of birth control and abortion as it related to the presidential race. This one should be easy. You’re on Fox News. Everyone asks easy questions. If you don’t know, well, you know. Just act like you do or you can just punt.

“It’s not even an issue here in Wisconsin. It doesn’t even move the radar at all.”

How does he respond when host Chris Wallace asks the question again? He does the predictable. He changes the subject. If he wants to appear as if he knows what he’s talking about he needs to learn that amateurs change the subject. The real pros appear to answer the actual question they’re being asked without actually answering it.

On The Environment & Geology

‘Spy’ Rand Paul

When ‘Spy’ Rand Paul was asked about the impact of a controversial mining technique called mountaintop removal, he seemed to think that it was okay. You take the coal that you want for cheap so that you can make cheap and dirty electricity. It’s okay if toxic sludge pits are created as a result. They get filled in with rubble and debris. And if a bit of that sludge seeps up, you can just say that the newly built golf course has sludge pits instead of the usual sand pit.

“I don’t think anyone’s going to be missing a hill or two here and there. Some people like having the flat land. Some of it apparently has become quite valuable.”

‘Spy’ Ron Johnson

Like other Tea Party wonders, ‘Spy’ Ron Johnson doesn’t believe in global warming; well at least not in the same way that others do. Instead, he says it’s not a big deal. Here’s his opinion on how Greenland got its name.

“There’s a reason Greenland was called Greenland. It was actually green at one point in time. And it’s been, since, it’s a whole lot whiter now.”

That needs no comment. He obviously needs to brush up on his geology.


And The Winner Is…

The smoke has cleared, and it appears that we’ll have to wait until the next episode of ‘Spy’ Ron Johnson v. ‘Spy’ Rand Paul. But judging from the fallout from the Benghazi hearing the winner is actually the smartest spy in the house – Secretary Clinton. Foiled again, boys!

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