Top 25 Examples Of ‘Black Privilege’ (SATIRE)

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Black Privilege is just RUINING these people’s lives! When will we think of what’s best for White people?!

I feel bad for White people. Seriously! It’s so unfair that they have to live with the terrible burden of White Privilege. Boo. Hoo. But for some reason. many on the right find the very idea of White Privilege to be offensive and racist. Why, Black people have it so good in America! One totally non-racist person created a whole Tumblr page to highlight just how awesome being black in America is! Here’s one example. Notice how it’s completely lacking in racism!

Black privilege is scaring other races, and making other races hesitant to get into a fight with you.

Shows like Cops associate blacks with violent stereotypes, and have put fear into a lot of people in society.

In case you’re wondering; Yes, this person is 100% serious. Not a drop of satire. But because making fun of racist idiots is always amusing, I decided to see things from his poor victimized perspective and list all the ways Black people have it made in our completely post racial country where no one ever treats Black people poorly.

Here goes! White people are second class citizens in the United States and Black people are lucky duckies because:

  1. Black people enjoy far more attention from police officers than white people. Why, it’s amazing that anything bad ever happens to blacks at all! There’s always a few cops nearby to protect them!
  2. Black people get fantastic customer service in stores! Do you know how annoying it is to go into a store and not be able to get help from the staff because they’re following a black customer around?
  3. Black people have much better communities than White people. We’re forced to live in houses separated by lawns and fences. Black people live in buildings with hundreds of other families! How neighborly!
  4. Black men are automatically assumed to have large penises. White men have to continually prove how studly they are by starting wars and causing economic collapses. But who gets blamed? White men, of course.
  5. Black people are also automatically assumed to be more spiritual. White people have to be outspoken in their beliefs to keep up, leading them to pass anti-abortion laws and ban homosexuality to show how much they love Jesus. Thanks a lot Black people!
  6. Black people hardly ever get sunburns. To make up for this, White people tried wiping out the Ozone layer to make us all equal but that just gave white people skin cancer.
  7. Black men tend to be taller than the average White man. To make up for this, parents make their children drink a lot of milk even if they’re lactose intolerant. The resulting methane gas might doom the world but who do we blame? Corporations run by White people! No mention is ever made of Black people’s height in An Inconvenient Truth.
  8. Everyone celebrated when the first Black man was elected president. No one cared about the color of the first White president or the unbroken string of next 42 White presidents. Isn’t a 200+ year streak something to cheer about?
  9. Black people were promised 40 acres and a mule. Sure, they never got it but no one ever promised White people a free mule in the first place!
  10. Black people can get away with wearing all white. And black. And purple. In fact, Black goes with everything! When White people try this, the results are…disturbing:

    My eyes!!!!

    My eyes!!!!

  11. Black people are convicted far more often than White people. Clearly, juries pay closer attention to trials with black defendants and make sure justice is properly served. The amount of White people that go free in comparison obviously reflects a system that doesn’t take White people seriously.
  12. Black people have their own cable channel, BET. Sure, all the content on the other 40,000 channels is geared towards White people but none of those channels are designed specifically for White people. It’s probably just a big coincidence.
  13. Black people have their own continent: Africa! Hell, there’s even a bunch of nice White men in fancy robes down South willing to pay for a free trip to Africa for Black people! Isn’t that nice? No one ever offers White people a free vacation…
  14. Black superheroes get to have the word “Black” in their names and no one complains about it! Black Falcon, Black Lightning, Black Panther, Black Knight etc. OK, that last one is a White guy but he wears a helmet so you can’t even tell!
  15. When a Black person is well spoken, White people make a big deal out it. No one ever notices when White people are “articulate.”
  16. Black people get to wear hoodies and look edgy and dangerous. White people just look like dorks or jocks. 

    Would you be afraid of this guy in a dark alley? I didn't think so...

    Would you be afraid of this guy in a dark alley? I didn’t think so…

  17. Black people are the color of chocolate, only the greatest flavor of all time. White people are the color of vanilla. Big whoop. And don’t even get me started on “white” chocolate!
  18. Blackula. When do we get a Whitula?
  19. Black lights are freaking awesome even if you’re not stoned! White lights are just boring.
  20. Black people have the coolest vampire killer of all time, Blade. White people have Buffy. Not cool, man!
  21. White Men Can’t Jump. Can you imagine a movie named Black Men Can’t Ice Skate?
  22. Black Sports stars have cool names like Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, Lebron James and Shaq. White people have Wayne Gretzky, Larry Byrd and Babe Ruth. What the hell?!
  23. All of space is black and Black Holes are the most powerful objects in the known universe. White people get White Dwarf stars. That’s not even fair! Even physics is in the tank for Black people!
  24. Black People have Beyonce and Kayne West. White people have Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber.
  25. Black people invented rock-n-roll, rap, blues, reggae and Jazz. White people invented country and that damn Justin Beiber.

As you can see, Black Privilege is everywhere! I don’t even know why they complain so much about inequality! I mean, sure, White people control the country, have most of the money, have more opportunities, pass laws favorable to other White people, control most of the corporations, kept Black people as slaves for centuries and then systematically discriminated against them after the slaves were freed but come on! Look at that list! Clearly White people are at a disadvantage!

Next thing you know, Black people will be protesting that the Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act that kept White people from suppressing the minority vote. There’s just no pleasing you people!

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