Red States Dominate Top Ten List Of ‘Small Penis States’

Red States Dominate Top Ten List Of 'Small Penis States'

Republicans have small penis syndrome, new statistics ranking penis size by state show that nine out of ten states with the smallest penises are red states.

In case you were wondering, Small Penis Syndrome really is a thing. According to new statistics released by Condomania.com and published online by Time Magazine, it’s pretty much a red state thing. Texas men have some of the smallest penises in the country, for example. But Texas isn’t the only red state to make the small penis list. In fact, 9 out of the 10 states with the smallest penises in America, are red states.

Mississippi holds first place title, with the smallest penises of all.

While Texas ranks in the top ten small penis states, it’s the southern state of Mississippi that holds first place title, with the smallest penises of all. Maybe they can ‘erect’ a sign on the state border: “Welcome to Mississippi, home of the teeny weenies.”

Other states whose ‘members’ can officially join the small penis club include Kentucky, Indiana, Missouri, Alaska, North Carolina, Wyoming and Arkansas.

Men with Small Penis Syndrome often overcompensate for their lack of manhood by making an outward show of manliness.

Small Penis Syndrome, as defined by the Urban Dictionary:

“Any man who feels so inadequate about his penis size that he compensates for it by buying ridiculously large shit he doesn’t need. This usually involves buying the biggest truck they can, raising it and putting airplane tires on it. Owning 20 or more large guns, talking about being violent or making threats when they are cowardice.”

Men with Small Penis Syndrome often overcompensate for their lack of manhood by making an outward show of manliness. They’re the guys who treat their cars, guns and wallets as extensions of their penises.

The same men who oppose gun control legislation, often also oppose penis control legislation.

This explains why the same men who oppose gun control legislation, often also oppose penis control legislation. These are the men who actively work to change the definition of rape. They’re the guys who want to be allowed to forcefully impregnate a woman and also want to make sure that she can’t have the fertilized egg removed from her body. They’re the guys who proclaim their right to Viagra, while rejecting a woman’s right to birth control. They’re also the guys who drive the market for penis enlargement and male enhancement products.

Given this new information, it’s no surprise that red states also dominate the list of states with the most gun owners. Or that they also make up the top ten states with the highest divorce rates in the country. Some of the states that made all three lists include Wyoming, Alaska and Arkansas and Kentucky.

Is it any surprise Rush Limbaugh was born in Missouri?

It’s obvious that these men are insecure in their own masculinity. Rush Limbaugh is a classic example of the Small Penis Gun Club mindset. Is it any coincidence that Limbaugh was born in Missouri, one of the ten states found to have the greatest number of men with small penises?

On any given day Limbaugh can be heard ranting about how liberals are trying to castrate him. In his mind, women in the workplace are trying to cut off his penis. Anyone trying to legislate guns, is also trying to cut off his penis. Taxing his bank account? Well, that’s like trying to cut off his penis.

Acting like a big dick doesn’t make people think you have one.

The fact that conservative men are insecure in their masculinity may also be evident in their extreme homophobia. These men are afraid to show even the slightest bit of acceptance toward the gay community. This makes sense when you consider that their biggest fear is probably that others will see them as something other than “manly men.”

While the statistics come with a scientific disclaimer, they do help explain why conservative men act like big dicks. Guys that feel inadequate mistakenly believe that strapping on a gun somehow makes up for their other ‘shortcomings’. In reality, however, men who need guns to make themselves feel powerful, are lacking in more ways than one.

According to WebMD Small Penis Syndrome is something doctors should take seriously. “If education and counseling doesn’t do the trick, they advise psychotherapy for men whose obsession over penis size is interfering with their lives.”