Iowa Republican Vows To Heroically Stop 100% Fictional United Nations Plot To Destroy America

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Republican Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa has vowed to save us from the horrors of gardening, bicycling, solar power, recycling and more. Thank goodness, because everyone knows these things present a clear and present danger to the future and the freedom of every red blooded American.

Ok, maybe not everyone, just certain tea party whackos, who subscribe to too many YouTube channels and underground radio networks. “The United Nations has imposed this upon us, and as a U.S. Senator, I would say no more,” she said. “No more Agenda 21.”

According to Agenda 21 conspiracy propagandists, this non-binding United Nations treaty, which was signed more than 3 decades ago by 178 different nations, is really an evil secret plot to eliminate all individual rights and depopulate the earth. The Agenda 21 conspiracy was first put forth by none other than Glenn Beck, in a fictional book titled “Agenda 21.” Here’s a description of Beck’s purely fictional novel:

“Woken up to the harsh reality of her life and her family’s future inside the Republic, eighteen-year old Emmeline begins to search for the truth. Why are all citizens confined to ubiquitous concrete living spaces? Why are Compounds guarded by Gatekeepers who track all movements? Why are food, water and energy rationed so strictly? And, most important, why are babies taken from their mothers at birth? As Emmeline begins to understand the true objectives of Agenda 21 she realizes that she is up against far more than she ever thought. With the Authorities closing in, and nowhere to run, Emmeline embarks on an audacious plan to save her family and expose the Republic’s true agenda.”

Unable to tell the difference between fact and fiction, Beck’s novel set off all the panic buzzers belonging to the tin foil hat club (as he undoubtedly knew it would). Alex Jones is also pushing this oh-so-scary-(non)reality on his radio show. Soon, all the crazies were boarding the bus to batshitville.

There is absolutely no truth behind this conspiracy. But what’s a corporate hack to do when things like sustainability and green energy are becoming popular among the general public? Those types of policies are bad for big oil and other corporate interests. A conspiracy was clearly needed to get people off the sustainability band wagon. But making gardening sound scary must have presented quite a challenge even for professional cons like Glen Beck and Alex Jones.

But enough about those snake oil salesmen. Aside from promoting conspiracy theories, Ernst has been exposed for making false claims in a recent campaign video, which begins with the line “I grew up castrating hogs.” The video ends with the line ‘Let’s make’em squeal,’ in an apparent reference to Democrats in Washington. The undertones of violence are nothing new for the Tea Party, but her Democratic opponent disputes her claims that she ‘cut pork’ while in Washington. Ernst’s own campaign appears to be at a loss to point to any legislation that she sponsored as a Senator. Earlier this week, Ernst’s husband made headlines for calling former First Lady and former US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton “a hag.” New York Times editor David Firestone also called Ernst out for her opposition to the Clean Water Act. Still, none of that compares to her recent pushing of the Glenn Beck Agenda 21 fictional conspiracy theories. Here’s the audio from Raw Story:

Here’s a link to a fact sheet from United Nations Association, addressing facts and myths about Agenda 21. Maybe someone should send it to Ernst.