Michigan Republican Wants Voters To Ignore His Weird Sexual Fetish And Elect Him Anyway

Jordan Haskins New Profile Picture

Jordan Haskins wants Michigan voters to know that he has put his past behind him, and is ready to serve. The 24-year-old, running as a Republican for Michigan’s 95th district state House seat, is a felon, who has served time in two states. According to mlive.com, Haskins’ crimes include things such as breaking and entering, trespassing, and destruction of propertyBut, by Haskins’ own admission, his criminal past, which includes prison time in North Carolina and Michigan, is related to something known as “cranking.”

Those familiar with slang terms for drugs may know “crank” as a street name for methamphetamine. But Haskins’ criminal convictions have nothing to do with drugs. Cranking is, according to Haskins, a sexual fetish. Haskins has been arrested on several occasions for breaking into vehicles, removing the spark plug wires, and masturbating while cranking the engine. He says he learned of the practice online.

Haskins grew up in Saginaw, Michigan, where he is now running for office. He moved to North Carolina, where he served prison time and probation between 2006 and 2009. Haskins was released from North Carolina’s prison system in 2009. After returning to Michigan, mlive.com reports that he faced similar charges there in 2010 and 2011. After his first offense in Michigan, Haskins was sentenced to 55 days in jail, and one year of probation. He was later charged with violating probation due to a similar incident that took place in January 2011.

A reformed man.

Haskins will complete his parole this October, just 11 days before the election. He tells mlive.com:

I want to be the candidate that says that Republicans don’t just care about perfect, whitewashed, the perfect people. Those who have never been through struggles and trials. I want to be the Republican, the conservative candidate that says, you know, conservatism is for you. Because conservatism, real conservatism, true red-blooded American conservatism is about grit, hard work, loyalty and traditional values. Your family values. The three values that make up my stool of conservatism are faith, family and freedom. And I believe that many of the citizens of Saginaw share those same values.

Haskins identifies one of his main goals as addressing the cost to taxpayers of the high recidivism rate among Michigan offenders. He realizes he has an uphill battle to get elected to a seat long held by Democrats. He says, “You may not respect my policies, you may not respect my ideas, but you at least have to respect me as a person.” Ummmmm, well…

The Saginaw Republican Party has announced it will not take a position either in support or opposition to Haskins’ candidacy.