Huckabee: I Want To Be President, But Please Buy My Sponsored ‘Food Stockpile’ For Coming U.S. Collapse

Here is something we can be absolutely certain of: Mike Huckabee will never be President of the United States. His social conservative views are so backwards and out of step with the mainstream American culture that calling them simply homophobia or sexism almost doesn’t quite do it justice. Then there is the fact that he will be creamed in a general election. If the election were held today, polls show that Clinton would beat Huckabee by 21 percentage points.

Still, Huckabee appears to be interested in throwing his hat in the ring once again. Just like Trump. Just like Santorum. A motley crew of conservative goofballs who appear every four years to stand onstage next to the candidates that may actually have a chance only to be demolished in the primaries and go back to work at Fox News for another four years. The circle of life.

Huckabee says he’s waiting for God to give him the go-ahead to run. What he doesn’t mention is that God – Huckabee’s Southern Baptist one – apparently gave him the go-ahead to run in 2012 and then abandoned him to be convincingly decimated by a Mormon. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

But Huckabee doesn’t. He has a consistent pattern of money-grabbing exploitation using his national name recognition and a narcissistic self-indulgence that combines itself into a personality that is defined by opportunistic greed and ego boosting. He’s a con man’s con man.

In that capacity, Huckabee has used his brief stint as a contender in the presidential race to landing a gig at Fox News, hosting a radio show, and launching a conservative-slanted website. All of his projects named some variation of “Mike Huckabee.” As if the media jobs don’t pay him well enough, he has followed his conservative colleagues into shilling for some of the most insanely sleazy companies you’ve never heard of. His listeners have probably lost a fortune on the gold his sponsors sold them on the premise that Huckabee said it would make them rich, but the Huckster used that money to buy a beach-front house in Florida. A quaint little place that only costs around $3 million.

How much of a fraud is Mike Huckabee? On the very same day that he was beginning the long, boring process of pretending to run for president so we don’t forget about him, he was sending out an email to his fans that begged them to buy up “food stockpiles” from a scam company called “food4patriots.” Presumably, he gets a nice commission from every person’s trust he successfully exploits. I bet the ocean air keeps the pangs of conscience at bay just enough to let him sleep at night, though.


Screengrab via Dave Weigel/Twitter

As Dave Weigel noted at Bloomberg:

The subject was, “The #1 Item You Should Be Hoarding,” and the text warned potential buyers that “if you don’t take action to get your food stockpile right now, you’ll be in the same boat as the brainwashed masses who think ‘everything is fine.'”

“4Patriots” sells crates of food at outrageous upcharges to people who think that the United States government is on the verge of collapse. The thinking goes that once Barack Hussein Obama begins the purges, or tanks the economy, or hands over control of the military to ISIS, that this company will supply canned goods and dried food to keep “patriots” fed while the liberals and atheists presumably fight over the last remaining chai latte and eventually starve. It’s doomsday prepper fear-mongering from a man who some day wants to sit in the Oval Office. If that sounds crazy, it is, but it’s also essentially a scam.

You might not know it from Huckabee’s smiling face, but the company he slapped his name on is in a years-long battle to avoid being charged with fraud. It earns millions of dollars a year by selling overpriced junk to conservative listeners of such esteemed haunts as the National Review, the Glenn Beck program, and yes future Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. The company is so shady that my anti-virus software won’t even let me check out the company’s official website without warning that I may be infected with nasty malware. For your computer’s benefit, I won’t link to it.


The word “secure” seems to be a bit of a misnomer.


It’s hard to imagine how Mike Huckabee justifies telling his followers that America may be just months away from total collapse and then on the same day announce that you were thinking of running for president in an election that would take place almost two years after civilization has ended. The only conclusion is that Huckabee doesn’t believe that the world will end before he can play his bass in Lincoln’s bedroom. Or he doesn’t think he will ever be president.

Either way, he’s a scam artists who exploits fringe-right conspiracy theories to buy mansions in Florida. It’s not just that he isn’t presidential material, he isn’t even worthy of standing next to someone who is.


Feature image courtesy Gage Skidmore/Flickr