South Dakota County Clerk Threatens To Marry Her Dog To Oppose Gay Marriage

Not willing to set herself on fire, a South Dakota county clerk has decided to oppose gay marriage in a less painful but equally nonsensical way: She will try to marry her dog.

Once again proving that the only slippery slope exists in the fevered minds of the homophobe, the Sioux Falls resident apparently believes that if she were to marry her dog this would prove that gay marriage is wrong, although you would be hard pressed to figure out how.

As KSFY tells it, the clerk was livid over having to (finally) marry same-sex couples and could be heard audibly complaining in front of the people waiting in line to be helped at the state’s treasurer’s office.

While waiting in line with her daughter at the Minnehaha County treasurer’s office Monday, a Sioux Falls mom says she overheard a county clerk make what she calls an offensive comment about the new changes for same sex couples in South Dakota.

“I overheard a part of a conversation with a person in front of us and the clerk that was there, they were discussing the SCOTUS ruling from last week,” Ellee Spawn said.

It is a conversation topic Spawn felt was inappropriate under the circumstances in the first place, but she believes the clerk’s response was even worse.

“Her reaction to that was ‘well apparently I’m just going to marry my dog, because we can just marry whoever we want anymore.’ “

It’s not clear what exactly this county clerk thinks the Supreme Court decided, but marrying your pets wasn’t part of it. Instead, the court ruled that gay people should be afforded equal protection under the law as stated in the 14th Amendment, and that includes having the right to marry the person they chose.

The confused clerk isn’t the only person to fail to understand the distinction, “What’s to stop people from marrying a dog” is actually a depressingly common trope within the conservative movement. Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) once remarked that gay marriage is indistinguishable from when “somebody has a love for an animal.” Professional gay-basher Rick Santorum famously told the Associated Press that striking down sodomy laws and legalizing gay marriage would inevitably lead to people having sex with dogs or children.

“Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of marriage as a bond between a man and a woman. Why? Because society is based on one thing: that society is based on the future of the society. And that’s what? Children. Monogamous relationships. In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing. And when you destroy that you have a dramatic impact on the quality —”

When the reporter said he was a little freaked out that Santorum would say that, Santorum stood firm.

“That’s sort of where we are in today’s world, unfortunately. The idea is that the state doesn’t have rights to limit individuals’ wants and passions. I disagree with that. I think we absolutely have rights because there are consequences to letting people live out whatever wants or passions they desire.”

Ellee Spawn, the woman who overheard the comments was clear that she doesn’t mind this state employee having her own opinions, but saying hurtful things like that in front of the public in a government office was out of line. It’s also not exactly a good sign considering county clerks across the country have expressed a desire to avoid issuing the marriage licenses they are legally obliged to give out. Most, however, haven’t expressed a desire to marry their dog in protest.

Feature image via IQRemix/Flickr