Conservatives Forget They Aren’t Funny And Start Petition To Change Name Of Cracker Barrel Restaurant

One day, conservatives will realize that no one, but the very mean-spirited (which I guess is the entire Republican base) laughs at their 5th grade bullying they call a sense of humor.

In their latest round of, “I’m rubber, you’re glue,” a petition has started on that demands that Cracker Barrel restaurant change its name to Caucasian Barrel.

I say all of us European Americans start protesting C****er Barrel. It uses an offensive slur and it is deeply offensive and mocks our long and proud heritage.

The name is offensive, their logo stereotypes European Americans as people who sit on chairs and lean against what appears to be a bourbon barrel, claiming we are all a bunch of alcoholics. Sure, they’ll SAY it’s a “cracker” barrel but everyone knows crackers don’t come in barrels, they come in bags and boxes!

Change the name C****er Barrel to Caucasian Barrel. After all, white people should have something to be offended by, too!


Laughing yet? I didn’t think so. This supposedly humorous petition is a reaction to what conservatives like to call political correctness and liberals like to call respect. They loathe that the racist history behind team names like the Redskins is being exposed. They hate that they can no longer use the “n” word. Rather than buy a dictionary and improve their vocabulary, they turn themselves into victims instead.

While the word “cracker” sounds like something you’d use if you wanted to pick a bar fight and for literally no other reason, the word doesn’t even register on the offensiveness scale. Both the words “redskin” and the “n” word have a bloody history. During that same historical period, it was the crackers who drew the blood.

Redskin” refers to the fact that white people scalped Native Americans. The “n” word, actually both words, dehumanizes people. There was a time when African-Americans were considered just a step up from animals. Slave owners couldn’t call African-Americans human and neither could poor white people who needed to feel superior to someone, so they used (and still do to this day) the “n” word.

While the history of the word is a little murky, ‘cracker’ is a word that many poor Southern white people use to describe themselves. Yes, I can hear the chorus of “but rappers use the ‘n’ word all the time.” If a black person used the word “cracker” it’s not to suppress white people. The word is relatively meaningless until it’s used by rich white people. For them, it’s a way of separating the elite from the uneducated poor – a way of holding on to their privilege.

Conservatives, though, would never admit to that and that’s precisely why their attempts at humor are never funny. Satire works when it punches up – when it’s directed at power. Satire fails when it’s the equivalent of a 200 pound bully kicking an 85 pound victim who has no power to fight back.

Oh, and conservatives, if you really are offended by the word “cracker” — don’t eat at the Cracker Barrel.

Featured image via petition