Top 5 Stupid Things Pseudo-Christians Said This Week

The Pseudo-Christian right was distracted this week by the Planned Parenthood brouhaha. The video, which purports to reveal a horrible “secret” behind PP, is a libelous piece of fecal matter. It is deceptive and frankly, a wretched editing job. But that didn’t stop the Pseudo-Christians. Oh, no. They glommed onto the “proof” and used it as their fodder. At least, for this week.

† John Hagee is back on the list this week. He pulled a Godwin, comparing Planned Parenthood — based on the falsified video — to the Nazis. Of course he did.

“Planned Parenthood was caught on video chatting about the harvesting and sale of infant body parts over a glass of wine. It brings to mind the evil of Adolf Hitler’s Third Reich and Dr. Mengele, the Doctor of Death, and his gruesome brutal butchery of children for his demonic research for the Third Reich.”

Hagee went on to correlate Planned Parenthood with the cattle cars used to transport Jews to Auschwitz. Yes, because women’s reproductive health is exactly like imprisoning, gassing, torturing and starving millions of human beings. Hagee is either too ignorant or too crafty to understand the difference. Too crafty in that he used the disproved video to whip up his sheep followers to call Congress. Oh, and to keep sending that money in to Hagee’s “ministry.”

†  Mike Huckabee has been rather low-key the past couple of weeks. But don’t worry, he’s been working on his new catchphrase. Now, don’t laugh:

“I hear people say we’ve got racial problems. We don’t have a skin problem in this country, we have a sin problem in this country.”

Isn’t that clever? He was speaking at a mostly African-American church when he rolled that baby out. In conjunction with a new campaign ad, too — what a coincidence! Huckabee’s sermon/ad might sound familiar. We’ve heard several pseudo-Christians allude to God healing America, lately… but only if we will subjugate ourselves to Him.

“We don’t have a skin problem in America, we have a sin problem in America. That is the root and the heart and the cause of racial strife and it cannot be reconciled by the government stepping in and making pronouncements. There is a prescription…2nd Chronicles 7:14….’If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways’ – those are the conditions – then He says ‘He will hear from Heaven, He will forgive our sins, and He will heal our land.’ I think people forget God will heal this land, but He won’t do it if we don’t meet the conditions for Him to heal it.”

Seems a bit like blackmail to me. Your God is so omnipotent that he can heal this country in a second, but He needs us to “humble” ourselves first? Sounds more like a needy control freak. Where is the God who loves us all despite our sins? The one I heard about in Sunday School, or is that just a fairy tale for the kiddies? I’m betting it is, at least where Bible thumpers like Huckabee are concerned. No, their God is the one who punishes entire cities for the transgressions of a few, rains fire down on whole regions and orders his warriors to smash the heads of enemy babies on rocks. The same God who condones slavery, and the same one to whom the South turned when defending that institution.

No, Rev. Huckabee, you are wrong. We do have a skin problem in this country. And as long as people like you refuse to address it — or do so through childish homilies — it will not go away. Kowtowing to a god and mewling prayers to the same will not fix it.

†  Sam Rohrer is that most dangerous of fanatics: a preacher who served in the government. He was a Pennsylvania State Representative from 1992-2009, now he’s the president of the American Pastors Network. Appearing on The Dove TV on Thursday, Rohrer had some bad news for America:

“The moral position leadership of our country has been forfeited. Our administration is trying to tie together foreign aid into countries in Africa that have actually passed laws against homosexuality and in favor of traditional marriage. They’re trying to use and force these countries to actually embrace same-sex marriage. Our country, this nation is probably doing more to advance the face of same-sex marriage than anything else.”

Hey, I don’t have a problem with that. Equality is something that every nation should embrace. I’m proud of America for leading the way on this. Oh, but Rohrer isn’t. He’d rather someone else take that position now:

“I look over to Russia, Putin, the Russian Orthodox Church has now lifted themselves up as the moral leader of the world. Believe it or not, Russia and the Russian Orthodox Church [are] the protectors of moral truth. The west and the United States have become the leaders of moral depravity… we have become, not a shining city on a hill, but a purveyor of evil.”

Russia, huh? A country that lies, censors the media, shuts down protestors, breaks treaties, attacks schools, restricts travel, halts the shipment of medical supplies and imprisons anyone who tries to speak up about these human rights violations? And Putin? A guy who has his political enemies murdered and imprisoned? If that’s your idea of “moral truth,” you need to take a refresher course in actual Christianity. Maybe it’s just that those pictures of a shirtless Putin has Rohrer all tingly, and he’s so caught up in sublimating his desires that he can’t remember what actual Christianity is. Hey, it’s a theory.

†  He’s often on this list. He once ran for President. He hosts a TV show on which he gives all sorts of insane advice and blathers about various topics. Can you guess who he is? Yep, Pat Robertson. It’s low-hanging fruit, I know, but it’s Pat. This week finds him responding to this question from “Thomas”:

stupid question

“Pro-abortion?” That’s insulting on several levels but that’s not our concern today. No, today we are following Pat down a very familiar — and icky — rabbit hole. After he, wrongly, said that Roe v. Wade was not “based on any law whatsoever,” he opined that the Supreme Court “messed things up.” They did, but not in the way Pat thinks. Which would be that women aren’t autonomous people but corporations are. And that whole separation of church and state thing? Also one of the Court’s “strange rules.”

Rev. Robertson, like many of his ilk, views anything that goes against his own personal ethics (such as they are) as wrong at best, evil at worst. The latest “strange rule” from the SCOTUS is marriage equality and Pat knows where it will lead:

“Watch what happens, love affairs between men and animals are going to be absolutely permitted. Polygamy, without question, is going to be permitted. And it will be called a right.”

Good lord, what is it with conservatives and bestiality? They are obsessed with it. A search on just the Addicting Info website turns up four pages of stories involving animal sex, most of which also involve a conservative bringing up the topic. WTH? Polygamy and pedophilia are also topics that are brought into the marriage equality discussion by conservatives. These perversions seem to be very popular among the uptight, pseudo-Christian crowd. It’s just sick.

†  Finally, we come to David Brody, Chief Political Correspondent for the Christian Broadcasting Network. In his blog this week, he took on the unenviable task of explaining why Donald Trump is so popular among conservative pseudo-Christians:

“Donald Trump operates in a world of absolutes: A world of right and wrong; a world of winners (him) and losers (McCain, Perry, etc); a world of put up or shut up (literally). Trump’s world is colored in black and white. There ain’t much grey. And what does Trump get for speaking out so boldly without holding back? Public ridicule.”

Christians, too, operate in a world of absolutes, Brody writes. They believe that theirs is the only truth; it’s non-negotiable. And what do they get for viewing the world as a duality? Public ridicule! Why, it’s so much like Trump!

Hang on there wanna-be martyrs, Pseudo-Christians don’t get ridiculed because they see everything as metaphorically black and white. They get ridiculed because they ignore physics, cosmology, anatomy, psychology… pretty much every scientific rule that their God supposedly put into place.

But they do have one thing in common with The Donald: hypocrisy. While Trump is praised for his “honesty” by the pseudo-Christian crowd, those of us who know better call him a hypocrite. Before this election cycle, Trump supported universal healthcare, stricter gun laws, the Obama stimulus and abortion rights. The pseudo-Christian right vehemently oppose all of these things. When they realize that Trump “believes” what it is most expedient for him to believe, they’ll desert him like swarms of locusts. Won’t that be fun to watch?


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As another week comes to a close, we smile serenely, knowing that the coming week will bring more stupid comments from pseudo-Christians. Remember to Tweet me @Madwomanmoon if you come across a stupid pseudo-Christian whose remarks need to be on this list. Best wishes until next week!