Fox News: Darth Vader Is Black Because…Jesus

This is why it’s nigh impossible to satirize the American right wing. They’re so unhinged that out-crazying them is usually a hopeless task. For example, this lunatic:

Northern Exposure actress Janine Turner asserted to Fox Business News on Monday that Darth Vader’s costume was black because Star Wars movies were based on the Bible.

“Regarding Darth Vader, please!” she exclaimed. “The Bible talks darkness and light. This is about evil and good. Darkness and light.”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with anything else, this goes back to biblical times,” she continued. “It’s been discussed in the Bible, Jesus talks about it. It’s about darkness and light, evil and good.”

Of course, if that were true, the hordes of poorly trained Stormtroopers wouldn’t have been dressed in all white but let’s ignore that part.

Look, I get it, when you’re a religious fanatic, you think EVERYTHING is based on your holy book. But you don’t need to be a hardcore Star Wars fan to know that Star Wars was based on a mix of American Westerns and Japanese Samurai films. Neither of which have diddly squat to do with the Bible.

Turner’s ill-informed comments were directed towards an ill-informed comment from MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry that, in its own way, is just as ridiculous:

“Yeah, like, the part where he was totally a black guy whose name basically was James Earl Jones, who, and we were all, but while he was black, he was terrible and bad and awful and used to cut off white men’s hands, and didn’t, you know, actually claim his son. But as soon as he claims his son and goes over to the good, he takes off his mask and he is white. Yes, I have many, many feelings about that, but I will try to put them over here.”

Warning! Geek Rant ahead!

Where to begin with how ignorant this is? First, Darth Vader wasn’t even supposed to BE voiced by James Earl Jones. He was supposed to be voiced by David Prowse, the (white) actor that actually wore the Vader costume. But George Lucas was not happy with his voice work, so they found someone with a much richer voice. Prowse didn’t even know he’d been dubbed over and was super pissed off about it.

Next, Vader didn’t intentionally not “claim his son,” which is heavily frowned upon in the black community (much more so than the white community), he thought he had died before being born. Remember, Vader had to pluck the knowledge that Luke had a sister from Luke himself. And seriously? “as soon as he claims his son and goes over to the good, he takes off his mask and he is white?” An ENTIRE MOVIE passed between Vader claiming Luke as his son and taking off his mask.

While the prequel trilogy was chock full of incredibly racist and insulting stereotypes, the original trilogy made something very clear if you were paying the slightest bit of attention: The Empire was incredibly racist. Or did Harris Perry not notice that in a galaxy with thousands of species, the Empire was comprised exclusively of white males with British accents? That was not an accident of casting, it was a deliberate choice. Saying that a “black” man was in charge of the virulently racist and xenophobic Empire doesn’t make sense and is simply not true.

And now back to our regularly scheduled politics.

I don’t normally spend time bashing liberals but Harris-Perry’s unforced error here just gives the right more red meat to feed their idiot base. Janice Turner’s insipid insistence that Darth Vader is some kind of biblically inspired figure is the kind of nonsense that comes of it so there’s plenty of derp to spread around here. Meh.

Here’s the two videos if you want to hurt your brain (Followed by the infamous Hooper X monologue to cleanse your pallet -NSFW):


Featured image via Kotaku