Ammosexuals Fuming As Texas Businesses Push Back Against New Handgun Open Carry Law

A few hours before James Boulware shot up the Dallas Police headquarters earlier this year, Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed two bills into law. One of them allows people with concealed carry permits to take their guns onto college campuses, because freedom, and another expands open carry by allowing those with concealed carry permits  to parade around displaying their handguns…because freedom.

With the new, probably not-that-well-thought-out laws about to take effect, Abbott urged Texans to “be tolerant” of people who just need you to see their guns once the law takes effect in January — a similar message to that which a 911 caller received from an operator when she reported a suspicious individual open carrying in Colorado…just before the man opened fire.

Though Abbott is attempting to turn Texas into an ammosexual paradise, some businesses are beginning to push back against state lawmakers’ nonsensical decision to protect “responsible gun owners'” right to parade around grocery stores, restaurants, college campuses, and other places where guns don’t belong so they can feel like their penises work properly — you know, unlike this guy.

Gringo’s Mexican Kitchen, a popular Tex-Mex chain, has announced that no matter what the law is, open carry will not be permitted at any of its locations in the state. Russell Ybarra, owner of Gringo’s and Jimmy Changas (which will also bar patrons from waving their penile enhancements around in public), says that his patrons’ safety comes first:

“We didn’t feel that it’s necessary to allow someone to open carry in an atmosphere where children and families frequent. Plus there is alcohol at our locations.”

Ybarra isn’t completely against guns; he just believes they should be handled responsibly and safely in appropriate settings — a stance shared by most Americans who don’t need adult supervision to operate a toaster. “I understand open carry in rural areas. West Texas? Sure. Urban and suburban areas, not so much,” he said.

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“We just felt that knowing our customers, allowing someone to walk in openly carrying a weapon, it would make them feel a little uncomfortable,” Al Flores, legal counsel for Gringo’s, told the Wall street Journal. “We’re primarily a family environment in terms of our restaurant. And so we decided it’s probably best not to allow open carry.”

“People have a right to choose. I believe we are in the majority though. Parents won’t want to take their kids to eat somewhere where people are open carrying,” Ybarra said when asked if he anticipates the Stupid Part of America attacking him over his decision, adding that concealed carry is more sensible than showing off one’s piece to the whole world. Naturally, blasturbation advocates are furious. In the comment section of, ammosexuals are beginning to let their rage be known:

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Southern Methodist University has also elected to remain gun-free once the law goes into effect — a decision it can make because it is a private college.

“The results were overwhelmingly in favor of SMU remaining weapons free when the law goes into effect,” University President R. Gerald Turner said in a statement. “More than two-thirds of students who responded to the Student Senate letter said they favored SMU remaining a weapons-free campus. In addition, faculty, staff and students supported SMU remaining weapons free by 10 to 1 in their online responses.”

Other private colleges, like rice University and Texas Christian University have also elected to opt out of the law. Unfortunately, state schools will not have the option to protect students on their campuses.

While concealed carriers often shoot the victim of a crime they are “saving” in the head while allowing the bad guys to escape or open fire on someone for a minor crime, it does make more sense not to let everyone know you’re packing heat. Not only do you avoid inciting a panic (after all, “good guys” and “bad guys with guns” look exactly the same until they begin shooting), but you don’t make yourself a target.

More businesses, college campuses, churches, and anywhere people congregate need to follow Ybarra’s example — for the safety of the children. It’s a lot easier for a gunman to get in position if no one can report what they are doing, after all.

Featured image via Texas Monthly