Ben Carson To Call It Quits, Will Spend Time Exploring Grain Pyramids With Jesus

Ben Carson is setting all three of his supporters up for disappointment. In a statement Wednesday, the retired neurosurgeon announced that, in light of his crushing defeat on Super Tuesday, he will likely no longer continue the charade that can loosely be called his presidential campaign.

Carson announced that he will be skipping the Fox News Presidential Debate in his hometown of Detroit on Thursday. “I remain deeply committed to my home nation, America,” Cason’s statement says. “I do not see a political path forward in light of last evening’s Super Tuesday primary results. Carson promised that “this grassroots movement of ‘We the People’ will continue.”

“I appreciate the support, financial and otherwise, from all corners of America,” Carson added. ” Gratefully, my campaign decisions are not constrained by finances; rather by what is in the best interests of the American people.”

Carson’s attempt to  become the man to lose to the Democratic nominee started out promising. But Carson’s campaign took a series of wrong turns that thrust him as far into political obscurity as Carly Fiorina after the Center for Medical Progress’ “baby parts” videos were shown to be heavily-edited and fraudulent.

Carson’s wild tales  — like his claim that he once tried to gut a motherf*cker only to be thwarted by a rogue belt buckle and that he attacked his mother with a hammer,  his story about bravely telling an armed robber to shoot a Popeye’s Chicken cashier, as well as his wild theory that Biblical storybook character Joseph built the pyramids to store grain — did him absolutely no favors, nor did his complaint that Obama isn’t black enough. His campaign also suffered from numerous shakeups, like much of his staff abandoning the sinking ship that was Team Carson all at once.

While he was reluctant to give up, Carson seems to have finally come to his senses. Now, perhaps, he will have time to travel to Egypt with his buddy Jesus so they can have their portrait painted inside a grain pyramid.

He promises to discuss more about his future plans at CPAC, the annual gathering of Christofascist lunatics like Carson.

As the Stupid Part of America’s options narrow, one thing remains certain — it is more important than ever that you make it to the polls in November.

Here are some of the dumbest things Carson has said. His intelligence and wit shall be missed.

Featured image via Twitter