NEWSFLASH: Mitt Romney is the 0.01 Percent
For all of Mitt Romney’s constant vacillations and inconsistencies over the years on all the quintessentially non-essential Republican presidential bona fides that trump real and substantive issues–including hating gays, a woman’s legal right to choose, literacy, public education,a sound and non-interventionist foreign policy, and environmental safeguards–his predatory capitalist, rich guy persona and mountebank business ethics should make him more popular with today’s uncaring, rich whites only Republican party than a repeal of the capital gains tax. In brief, Willard Mitt Romney is the personification of the unctuous, deceptive greed and mortgage bubble lending that lead to the great economic abortion of 2008.
The ridiculously well-coiffed Romney is said to be worth over $250 million, an obscenely obnoxious amount of riches in a time where school teachers are being called “greedy” and forced to make sacrifices, looks like a cross between two slime ball, super rich stereotypes: the oleaginous time-share salesmen who hoodwinks middle-class families into needlessly partaking in the real estate scam in order to foreclose on their modest home if they miss a monthly payment, or the upper management white-collar criminal who outsources your dad’s job at the Steel Mill. Oh, but wait, he actually is the guy who fires (and enjoys it) your dad from the Steel Mill. Perhaps this is why Romney refuses to release his tax record, a most commonplace requirement for presidential candidates.
Most disingenuous, the wall street vulture capitalist is not only responsible for buying companies at basement prices only to leverage them into bankruptcy, one of his Bain Capital financed firms, Steel Dynamics , received generous tax breaks and other subsidies provided by the state of Indiana and the residents of DeKalb County. Now if that doesn’t just sound like a certain wall street insurance giant that received billions in a tax-payer financed bailout. In fact, according to a Boston Globe article from 1994 (via Nexis), back when Mittens was hoping to simply buy the Massachusetts Senate seat, Mitt Romney’s rescue of a business consulting firm was achieved in part by convincing the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. to forgive roughly $10 million of the company’s debts.
Assuming Romney can pay someone to secretly kidnap Ron Paul and dump him out to sea, it looks very likely that he will be the Republican taking on Barack Obama com November. Should Romney actually defeat the incumbent Obama he will not only just be the first Mormon to win the presidency, but the first member of the 0.01% to
outsource occupy the oval office. Unlike the hard-working Newt “Scrooge McDuck” Gingrich, Willard Mitt Romney is more akin to Richie Rich–the smarmy, manipulative little rich brat who just so happened to be the offspring of an superrich workaholic. In other wards, he’s like the political and mormon version of Paris Hilton.
According to Wealth-X, he’s one of the 10 richest people to run for president in the last 20 years. His net worth of $250 million makes him the third richest person to seek the oval office, after Ross Perot (#1) and Steve Forbes (#2). So if there ever were a face to represent the avaricious and deceptive 1 percent, which spawned nation-wide #Occupy Protests by the lesser-off and individuals hoodwinked by the 1%, it’s that of Willard Mitt Romney. Romney essentially solidified his 1% standing back in August during a visit to the Iowa State fair when he told a heckler that “corporations are people.” The atrocious and unconstitutional Citizen United decision gave corporations personhood, thus creating a wild-wild west campaign donation scenario, in which hordes of special interest groups (IE, Big Oil, Big Pharm) can pour unlimited monies into a preferred candidate’s SuperPac without having to disclose it. Consequently, flagrantly undoing the fair campaign laws created by the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform and undermining the influence of average Americans who make small contributions to support their preferred candidates. So naturally money bags Romney thinks corporations are people considering he’s been the leading recipient of corporate campaign cash.
For example, Restore Our Future, a conservative “super” PAC promoting Mitt Romney, is running $300,000 worth of ads in Florida that question the conservative credentials of former GOP front-runner Newt Gingrich and the same group spent $3.1 million in Iowa. And how can we forget how the empty Brooks Bros. suit once called the then incipient Occupy Wall Street movement “dangerous” and “class warfare”. Anyone without a Swiss bank account, or who doesn’t declare themselves a citizen of the Antilles for tax purposes, are casualties of the very dangerous class war being played by Mitt Romney and his fellow slimeballs on wall street. In sum, having someone like this in the oval office is really what’s dangerous.
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you photos of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.