Last week Sean Hannity was just your ordinary pompous ass on Fox News. He was sneering and grand eloquent. And, yes, he wore expensive suits and featured carefully-coiffed hair.
Sean Hannity is infallible!
Today, Sean Hannity is infallible. According to Hannity, a self-proclaimed “good Catholic,” however, the Pope is probably not. Wait, did Sean Hannity just challenge the age-old Catholic Church dogma of papal infallibility? For “good Catholics,” the Pope is always right
During his Monday telecast, Sean Hannity aired a clip from fellow windbag Rush Limbaugh’s radio show. Limbaugh could not believe what Pope Francis was saying. Rush could hardly credit his right-wing ears! Francis had attacked “unfettered capitalism!” Francis said it was time for world leaders to fight “poverty” and “growing inequality.”
“This is just pure Marxism coming out of the Pope,” Limbaugh moaned.
Of course, in The Land of Fox, Rush was declared right. Remember those hard-working money changers in the temple? Luckily, there was no Volcker Rule in A.D. 33. You don’t want to go around “fettering” capitalism do you? No. You don’t. You want modern-day money changers to be able to charge interest rates of 400%.
Who else was shocked by Pope Francis’s radical screed? Sean Hannity was, too.
Francis called unfettered capitalism “a new kind of tyranny.” Hannity said it was not. A liberal panelist on the show tried to explain what the Catholic leader meant. A goofy right-wing babe interrupted. Francis was so wrong! “Free market capitalism does help the poor,” she fumed. “When you lower taxes, when you create competition in the market place that’s what allows people to rise up. When you kill incentive….”
Watch Sean Hannity on video.
Here’s the video with Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh from Media Matters.
The Koch brothers will have no reason to live.
Well, yeah… killing incentive is just wrong! Think of the Koch brothers before you act! If you tax them too much, let’s say you raise their taxes 1%, they’ll have no incentive left. Do the math, Marxist Francis! Let’s see…1% of $36 billion. That would be $360 million. Charles and David would have only $35.64 billion left. Each.
How could anyone to roll out of bed for that?
A second right-wing guest joined the fray. She insisted that “free market capitalism was what America was founded on.” She’s right, of course. That’s why the Founding Fathers said it should be legal to sell boatloads of African slaves.
(Also: the Founding Fathers loved the Second Amendment more than life itself. That’s why they agreed slaves could not own guns!)
Anyway, the right-wing lady was upset. It was “trendy,” she cried, “to attack capitalism.” And Sean shook his leonine head. (Not a single strand of hair on his well-gelled noggin’ moved.) Of course! Ronald Reagan was always right.
Now Hannity had something to say. The Pope was attacking “trickle-down economics.” But trickle-down economics really worked great! You know who was infallible in Fox News Land? Ronald Reagan! Ronald Reagan’s policies “created wealth.” Ronald Reagan’s policies “doubled revenue to the government.” (No mention that the federal deficit tripled during his two terms in the White House.) During Ronald Ronald’s time in office job creation “went through the roof.” Ronald Reagan could have raised Lazarus from the dead if he wanted.
Then he would have cut his taxes, too.
Reagan wouldn’t have given food stamps to poor people in Nazareth, either. Because, let’s face it, you don’t want to kill starving people’s incentive to work.
Here’s the recap on Sean Hannity’s infallibility.
So, let’s recap. Sean Hannity is infallible. Pope Francis hangs posters of Vladimir Lenin all over the Vatican walls. Also, thank god—no thank God—Jesus and Santa are white! (So is God!) In fact, one great way to create wealth and help the poor would be to cut taxes on Wall Street bankers and hedge fund managers. That way free market capitalism can work its magic. Investors could build more factories in places like Bangladesh. These factories could then fall on top of poor workers’ heads. JPMorgan could use profits as God intended—to bribe Communist Chinese officials by giving their sons and daughters cushy jobs.
If you mess with free market capitalism health insurers will have no incentive to provide coverage for five-year-olds with pre-existing conditions. Such as children with leukemia! Poor parents of these children will then have no reason to work two jobs. Another great way to incentivize the poor would be to eliminate food stamps entirely. Also: get rid of the minimum wage! Isn’t it true that “hunger is the best sauce?” Finally, if you raise taxes on the Koch brothers you destroy their will to live. They won’t have enough left to donate $122 million to right-wing causes—like getting rid of food stamps and the minimum wage.
What was that line in the Bible? “And again, I say unto you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
A bearded Marxist said that.