Creationists Declare Unicorns Real, Denial ‘Is To Demean God’s Word’ (VIDEOS)

Believe it or not, unicorns are real!

Well, they are if you’re a creationist, anyway.

Creationist website, Answers in Genesis, is a site entirely sworn to upholding all the Bible’s most ridiculous details as factual, even scientific information. One author on the page warns readers that refusing to believe in unicorns “is to demean God’s Word” because unicorns are actually mentioned in the Bible a few times.

That author is actually a doctor, if you can believe that – Dr. Elizabeth Mitchell.

Dr. Mitchell is all too happy to cite those biblical references for you, too, just to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that unicorns are as real as pancakes. They HAVE to be, because the Bible mentions them. Duh!

Mitchell points out Job 39:9:

“Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?”

She also points out Isaiah 34:7:

“And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.”

Hence, Mitchell states:

“The Bible is clearly describing a real animal.”

But, “And their land shall be soaked with blood”? – these unicorns don’t sound too friendly. Hide your princesses!

Of course, to validate her claims beyond simply citing the Bible, Mitchell has to allow for the fact that “modern readers” will have trouble swallowing such gobbledygook. Why? Because we “forget that a single-horned feature is not uncommon on God’s menu for animal design. (Consider the rhinoceros and the narwhal).”

Naturally, because believing an animal could have one horn, despite the incredibly well-known rhinoceros, is just way too wild a concept, much more so than it is easy to blindly believe in mythical creatures that no remains have EVER been found of, but have simply been mentioned in the Bible. Why not believe in Grendel while we’re at it? Or the Kraken? How about Medusa?

To give Mitchell some credit, she does grant that the biblical unicorn may not have been exactly what we imagine today, emanating from rainbows and magic, living in the shadows of fairies. Instead, she says, it may have simply been a wild ox, called an auroch.

Mitchell writes:

“The auroch’s horns were symmetrical and often appeared as one in profile, as can be seen on Ashurnasirpal II’s palace relief and Esarhaddon’s stone prism.”

Okay, so unicorns existed because the Bible says so, according to Mitchell, yet they weren’t the unicorns we know as unicorns. Got it.

Mitchell wraps-up the great unicorn debate for us in writing:

“The unicorn mentioned in the Bible was a powerful animal possessing one or two strong horns—not the fantasy animal that has been popularized in movies and books. Whatever it was, it is now likely extinct like many other animals. To think of the biblical unicorn as a fantasy animal is to demean God’s Word, which is true in every detail.”

How can anyone contest that? Mitchell says God’s word “is true in every detail,” and she knows conclusively, for a fact, that the Bible is irrevocably the word of God. There is NO CHANCE of human interference in the creation of the Bible. Nope, none at all. Every word of it is true, just like those good folks in Genesis who lived hundreds upon hundreds of years. Every myth and parable – absolutely, literally true. Literally.

Because, you know, God was just that literal. God would never use the art and craft of stories and myth to instruct, teach, or show the holy light. God just puts it all out there like a sushi chef with too many clients at the bar.

Shockingly, paleontologists have not managed to find a unicorn fossil to date, but that doesn’t prove anything to the Answers in Genesis folks in Kentucky, not even President Ken Ham. He put God’s truth up on his Facebook page, so not only has God put the fact of unicorns down in the Bible, Ham’s made it Facebook-official. How are you going to refute that?

That’s right – you CAN’T! It’s impossible!

Readers might recognize Ham’s name, too. He’s the fella attempting to sue the state of Kentucky out of $18 million over the Noah’s Ark theme park in Williamston. He’s also the guy who debated science guy Bill Nye last year, as seen below:

One savvy blogger by the name of Joe Sonka, however, successfully pointed out in an email to an Answers in Genesis representative that unicorns are not currently represented on the Noah’s Ark theme park Ark. Surprisingly, neither are mermaids, dragons and chimera. What gives?

No doubt this will still be somewhat hard to swallow for most readers, but if the kids won’t listen to reason over God’s great sushi dinner, if they give you that sideways look when you explain about the reality of unicorns or give you some lip touring Noah’s Ark theme park, just remind them what the Bible says, “which is true in every detail.” Leviticus 20:9 says:

“Anyone who dishonors father or mother must be put to death. Such a person is guilty of a capital offense.”

Anyone catch that “documentary” on mermaids?

Long live the UNICORN!

H/T: | Featured image: via Flickr