Daesh Hands RW Conspiracy Nuts Texas Shooting On A Silver Platter

It’s been going around the conspiracy theory websites for months now. “ISIS Camp A Few Miles From Texas.” “ISIS Has A Camp In Texas.” The same conspiracy laden drivel that the bogeyman is out to get everyone, so they better run to church and buy another AR-15.

And now, the Islamic State, known more commonly as ISIS, ISIL or Daesh, has claimed responsibility for the attack in Garland, Texas. According to Daesh on their radio station Al-Bayan “two soldiers of the caliphate” carried out the attacks. The two shooters, Elton Simpson and Nadir Soofi were roommates from Phoenix, Arizona.

The statement from Daesh was custom designed to fit every conspiracy laden loon’s fantasy scenario:

We tell America that what is coming will be even bigger and more bitter, and that you will see the soldiers of the Islamic State do terrible things. The future is just around the corner.

Of course Fox News has already wondered if in the wake of the shooting, “Should we get rid of all Jews?” Giving them a claim that Daesh carried out the attack, expect all hell to break loose within the tinfoil hat community, evidence or no.

One of the shooters, Elton Simpson, was already a suspect in an FBI investigation after several social media statements in support of Daesh over the past few months. He had previously been charged with lying to the FBI, a case which he was acquitted in. The earlier case did describe that Simpson had attempted to unsuccessfully travel to Somalia, but at this time that is the only indication that he may have tried to gain contact with Daesh. And no such evidence exists anywhere for Mr. Soofi.

Regardless of the truth, the conspiracy theorists who are already convinced that Obama is out to invade Texas will latch onto this like it is gospel. After all, they already believe that Obama is behind people joining Daesh in the first place, because he secretly belongs to the Islamic State already. But, the tinfoil hat crowd can rest assured that no matter what, Chuck Norris is ready to defend you.

In the real world, it is clearly Daesh using the shooting as an opportunity to spread fear. That they crafted their statement to maximize the conspiracy crowd reaction is deliberate. Like kicking over an anthill, they do something simple, and watch the mindless bugs scramble madly. And while our conspiracy theorists go bonkers, they walk away laughing at the madness.