” This is what my new Jaguar looked like Sunday night,” Pastor Phil Kidd bragged on his Facebook page.
“BUT LISTEN TO THIS…It never messed up my hair. It never unbuttoned my suit coat. It never even moved my Mont Blonc [sic] pen from my shirt pocket. Sheltered In The Arms Of God…”
But if God sheltered Kidd, why didn’t he also shelter his wife, Leslie? Thankfully, she survived as well, but she fractured two vertebrae and has to wear a neck brace. Still, it’s strange how while Kidd, his hair, his suit coat, and his “Mont Blonc” pen were rolling in God’s sheltering arms “4 1/2 times at 65 miles an hour down the interstate,” this pastor’s poor wife was left to her own devices.
For those of you who don’t know what a “Mont Blonc”
penis, I mean pen is, Mont Blanc is a line of “luxury writing instruments” that cost $800.00 and up.
According to his Facebook page, Kidd is a radio evangelist and pastor of the Emmaus Baptist Church in Kingsport, Tennessee. He and his wife appear to have been the victims of a hit-and-run, most likely committed by someone who can’t stand douchey guys in red Jaguars. Alas, the assailant had no idea Kidd was driving his red Jaguar for the Lord, or he wouldn’t have done it.
And — oh! — it turns out the Jaguar was brand spankin’ new, as Kidd explained to the “thousands” of adoring fans who clamored for photos of the wreckage…Which, of course, Kidd was happy to provide. Heck, they didn’t even have the car long enough to get the oil changed.
You’d think — from all of Kidd’s posts — that all was rosy. But no, his wife posted on Facebook that she suffered more serious injuries, though she is luckily expected to make a full recovery. Here, Leslie Kidd thanks friends and family for their prayers and explains that her spinal surgeon said she has a “fracture in my C-6 & C-7 vertebrae. I will be in a neck brace for at least the next 6 weeks.” Luckily, the Kidds’ daughter came home to take care of “us.”
How does this poor woman put up with being married to an insufferable jerk whose first concerns appear to be for himself, his hair, his suit and his Mont Blanc pen? As the folks from Stuff Fundies Like dryly commented:
This raises a few questions. Why does an evangelist drive a Jaguar and write with a Mont Blanc pen? But more to the point, why would any decent human being brag about their hair not being messed up when their wife has serious and painful injuries? Was she not sheltered in the arms of God or does she just really not matter?
But just when you thought this pastor of disaster couldn’t get any more insufferable, Kidd posts another comment on Facebook about how their car stopped flipping right at the five mile marker on Route 26 — and “the number is ‘5’-that is the number of grace. I landed right on grace!!!”
Watch Pastor Kidd go on and on and on…
Here’s the video with Pastor Kidd going on and on and on about his smashed red jaguar. Alas, his friends, family and congregation will never hear the end of it.
Photo: Phil Kidd’s Facebook page.